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She isn't eating much of anything. The doctor at the nursing home is checking intake and output this week and nurse said he told her the family will need to make a decision on a feeding tube next week if she doesn't improve. My first thought is no; it seems like just one more invasive procedure. But I don't know anyone who has first hand experience with one. Any comments?
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Hi Nancyo, I hope you are doing well. Im sorry about your mom..... you were looking for some firsthand experience with a G-tube first my wifes opinion, it didnt bother her a whole lot while she had it and suggests going ahead with it, if it means better nutrition. as far as my oppinion it was a little inconvinient dealing with the tube but not so much that it really bothered me, also she should be able to still eat with it and I would encourage that along with supplementing through the tube, that way she will still have they ability to eat if neccesarry, also the stuff they pour through the tube isnt the best tasting ...yes she will be able to taste it even though its poured dirrectly into the tummy. a calorie count will probably be necessary to know how much regular food shes had so you wont give her to much of the other... that was actually the hard part for me tracking and figuring out all the calories... a nutritionalist will probably help you with that so dont worry anout it too much its not as bad as I make it out.
I hope this helps
take care and God bless
Hi Nancyo
I wish you posted this under your other question so that those who respond could see the whole situation.

I think you may want to speak to the doctor at the nursing home or your mother's personal private physician about what stage she is in. If you can get some clarity you will be able to make a clearer decision. If your they have made a prognosis of less than six months, you might want to check into Hospice as an option even from within the Nursing Home.

Yes, feeding tubes can be considered invasive in end-of-life stages... does your mother have an advanced directive stating what her needs are? Did she ever fill in a DNR? These are papers that Hospice would want to know about. In any event, inquiring about Hospice on your own, as well might give you some needed answers and help you come to more peace of mind in making the decisions that are ahead of you.

I will keep you all in my prayers.
Please keep us posted... try to come to some of the chats if you can for some support as well.

Richest blessings
Mom is finally at peace and pain free. She died early Sunday morning after being taken to the hospital Thursday night. She had developed an infection that her poor body was not able to fight off. So her ordeal is now over. I have received such support from all of you for which I am truly grateful. Few people who have not been caretakers can understand. The one anchor we had was Mom's G.P. He called this morning just to see how Sis and I were doing. Thanks to everyone here for all your kind words and when things have settled down a little, I hope to continue with this forum; perhaps I can be of help to others with suggestions on what we found helpful for Mom.
Dear Nancyo

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I hadn't sensed her passing so quickly. I pray for an easy transition for her.. and for you and your sister to know that you did everything you possible could with love. You both were a gift to your mom... she and her soul knew this. I hope you will keep in touch with us, letting us know how you are progressing as you begin centering back into your own lives, learning at least one wonderful gift from your caregiving live your own lives fully, with purpose and love.

Richest blessings to you and your sister.

In Love & Light
MOrning Nancy...

My deepest condolences to you....It is so hard watching someone you love suffer and then lose them...but I do believe they go to a much better place...and the suffering for them is now over.
Gail is right...we are blessed to be caregivers and we learn so much...We come out of it better people I think...more understanding and more loving.
Please take care of you now...and keep us posted on how you are managing...Not only are we here to try to lend an ear to caregivers...but we are also here to reach out and help others through the grieving process.

Take care....
I feel for you and understand the big hole this leaves in your heart. I have lost my Mother and two sisters over the years and I know I will see them again someday and in a better place without the suffering of their illness. In the meantime, I miss them from their places in my life. I pray that God will bless and comfort you and your family.
It is so thoughtful of you to offer to come back and help here. I will welcome any help you can give from your experience. Many of us are in many places in our journeys. I believe that that your experience as you went ahead of us on that road will be valuable. For the present, I hope the resources that Gail has here for those who have lost their loved ones will be helpful. I know you are exhausted so I hope that you can get plenty of rest now. You are a wonderful person to have been so caring.
Being able to share with you has kept my sanity in the past few months. We still have a lot of loose ends to take care of but I don't think the reality has completely hit. So far I haven't even been able to cry not even at her funeral yesterday. But she looked so normal and peaceful, a way I haven't seen her in ages. And I know without a doubt she is with her Lord and no longer in pain. Her final days were so awful, so much pain and so many tests. She began vomiting blood so we could not leave her like that but had I known she would go so quickly, I would not have allowed so much intervention. When they diagnosed massive internal infection and bleeding in her stomach, her G.P. said he could call a surgeon but said she was not a good candidate for surgery and he would order I.V. of morphine or whatever she needed. That was on Saturday. Sunday a.m. at 3:30 we were called by hospital but didn't make it before she was gone at 3:44. The nurse assured us she stayed with her till the end. We planned only an hour visitation prior to services thinking she would have few living friends and most of our friends knew only our married names so might not read her obituary. The outpouring was unbelievable and was truly a wonderful tribute to her. I miss her so much but I am also glad she is now healed. The Mom I knew left a long time ago so I hope my lack of grief at this point in her life is normal. I will be back with all of you soon.
Hello Nancy

I think you are doing incredibly well.. the lack of grief your are experiencing is not abnormal. Usually caregivers do a great deal of grieving prior to their loved one's passing. When you observed your mother so peaceful and relaxed, it was an added support that she was finally at peace. This all adds to a higher understanding for you. And you may find that you are also in shock a bit because of the fact that she went so quickly. Regardless of it, all these range of emotions are quite normal. Don't beat yourself up or make yourself wrong. You were an incredible blessing to your mother.. there is no right or wrong way to be...there is just the being and feeling from moment to moment. It may sound like a cliched, but it is truth..
How wonderful that there was such an outpouring of love and friends who came to spend time with you all...hope to hear from you soon...richest blessings as you move forward on the journey of your own life..

Love & light

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