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It has been almost nine months since my wife of 48 years died peacefully in her sleep. She had a long hard illness, which she faced with a great deal of courage.

I have settled her death in my mind and have established a new life.

Now I have started have having thoughts and some guilt when I am doing something that I know my wife would have enjoyed or when I go on a trip that I know she would have liked.

This does not happen all the time and it is not overwhelming but it does give me pause.

Is this common, do these thoughts continue, will they become more frequent, will they in time become less frequent.

If anybody has had any experience with this I would like to hear of your experience.

Best regards to all you caregivers

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Hi there . . I don't have experience in what you're going through but as a human being it seems to me that you are 'normal' whatever that means . . . 48 years is a very very long time and it seems to me that your wife would want you to enjoy life?????

From my personal experience guilt = feelings of anger or fear . . . maybe you are angry that she is not here ( physically ) to enjoy these trips with you???? Or afraid to enjoy?

I know I see my parents married for 51 years go through similar feelings especially my Mom when my Dad was in the hospital . . . my Mom would say she didn't want to do anything without my Dad . . .

My Dad would say go! Enjoy! And the kids would go to whatever event and then for example we took a DVD of a dance performance to the hospital for my Dad to enjoy.

I really hope that helps and your post helped me in a strange way . . . to put alot of things I'm going through into perspective . . like my marriage and appreciating 'what really matters' now . .not before it's too late so thank you for sharing.

Hello Dave,

I am glad you posted..and it is good to know that you are moving forward in life. The feelings you are experiencing are not abnormal and are a part of the grieving process. Sometimes, we may interpret the feelings as guilt.. and it may be that we are just missing them doing the things together as you used to.

You are carrying her in your heart.. and you may actually be sensing her presence... Our minds want to experience things in one way.. and sometimes are hearts are in a different space... and they haven't caught up with one another.. you may want to take some time to write when you are experiencing it. You may find it quite carthartic and healing.

Richest blessings,
It may help for you to know that I am going through the same. My mother passed away about a month and a half ago, and I sometimes go several days without thinking about her very much at all, and then some little thing brings it back and I miss her so much. I think perhaps it never ends. It is good that you are going forward with your life. But I think she will always be with you no matter how long it has been.

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