Feeling sad, and the situation is out of my control

Hello Kathleen:

Although I am not in your exact situation, I can relate. Taking time for yourself is very important. I try to remember to do this myself as well, and I find myself sneaking to the bathroom for some alone time.. sad but true, however the bathroom as I found out is not my alone time place anymore. God forbid! If it's not my 18yr old daughter coming in to ask what's to eat, my husband can't find something, and then they leave the door open and our dogs stand directly in front of me breathing the manure they ate at me, which wakes up my father, and now I have to attend to him! Sheesh! I have found the gift of finding humor in my days. I hope this at the very least gives you a little smile.

People mean well when they say don't worry about it..........however, it is most certainly easier said than done. Give yourself a little time-out to regroup! Good luck to you and God Bless

hugs
Ali

[This message has been edited by mrs. wingnut (edited 03-30-2005).]

Kathlene, Things will work out. Yes that's easier said than done and your frustration and added stress is understandable. But there are times when one has to just step back and take some long deep cleansing breaths and trust that things will work out. In the meantime, Ali has some good advice, find the humor in things. A vacation, ya right, but who says you can't take a 5 minute vacation in your mind! Go into the bathroom, don't forget to lock the door behind you, take a couple very deep breaths, close your eyes and let your mind take you away for 5 minutes. You'll be refreshed and ready to tackle anything.
Ali, remember to lock the door behind you!
Take care and keep posting.
Mardell

What I do everyday: I go into the bathroom, run a tub of hot water, pour in bath salts, then soak in the tub until the water starts to cool down. I fill the tub as full as possible. I like to listen to the water running. I lock the door, as mother had a habit of coming in just to talk. Put a "DO NOT DISTURB" sign on the door.

Another thing I do is I have 5x8 cards which I write on and leave at mother's place at the table. She reads them and usually understands. I have one "I went to the store" Well, I am really in my computer room. Sometimes I put up the one "I am sleeping" or "I went for a walk" If she reads one of those signs and thinks I am out, she will go lie down for awhile. Luckily, I can leave the house for about an hour. I always put up a sign because mother forgets if I tell her. I write the sign with a magic marker and sign it.

Although I like to unwind after mother goes to bed, I find myself going to bed about 9 or 9:30 so that I do get my sleep. This way I get up early refreshed and have an hour or two to set the table, eat my breakfast and read before mother gets up.

Mother likes to listen to church tapes..we have aboout 100. After breakfast and she has her bath, she will listen to one of those using ear phones. Then she might take a nap until lunch time which is usually our main meal, because sometimes by supper time, I am too exhausted to prepare a main meal. Mother is usally wanting to go to bed between 7 and 8. Sometimes she will stay up later.

I also take a prescription called Buspar. My doctor prescribed it. It really helps me.

Maybe some of these suggestions will help someone else.

Anna

Thanks Ali, Mardell, and Anna:

Things are going okay. Tom came home April 1st. His blood pressure went way up, and they have been really concerned about it. They took him off Effexor. Our dr. said that Effexor can cause high blood pressure. So they tapered him off and then started him on Lexapro. It does not seem to be working very well yet. He is very depressed and does not want to go out at all. Some of the depression is normal, I mean he just lost his second foot do to infection, and that has to hit you. He has been fitted for his prosthesis but it will take about three months before he will have his permanant one. So this summer will be hard on him.

They came a couple weeks ago and did the workup for a electric wheelchair. So hopefully we will hear something soon whether he qualified for it through Medicare. But then we are still looking at weeks and weeks to build it to his needs. So that might not happen until July or August.

I am still keeping up with going to the Gym and my therapy and that seems to help some. But I am disappointed in my husband and how he has been treating everyone here that is just trying to help him. I know things are rough, but he just does not seem to understand that he made his choices and that is what has lead to where he is today. He thinks most days that none of this is his fault. That God just let it happen. But that is not so, and some days he knows that. But he does seem to moop around and ask why God let this happen to him. I don't have much patience when it comes to this. I have my own resentment about his not following medical advice and taking better care of his diabetes over the last 17 years, so this would not have taken him down all at once. But life most go on.

Some days I am so sad because I have lost most my grandmothering. I have to be a mother, and help with all the grandchildren daily, and I can not enjoy them and spoil them the way grandma's are suppost to and then send them home!!

Also my life has changed so drastically. I now care for my husband 24/7 and then just cook and clean most the time. I feel like a maid, or a servant. I guess most of you can relate to that huh!!
There are always dishes waiting in the sink, and there is always wash waiting to be done, and someone is always hungry or needing a snack. The only times a get to myself are when I go to the gym to workout, or my therapy sessions. And my favorite time is at night when the grandkids are all in bed, and then I can enjoy about an hour to myself until it is time to get my husband ready for bed, his meds done, his nightime snack and then his insulin shots, and then I watch tv until I fall asleep. And the next day it all starts over again.

Life does go on, but sometimes our lives are not how we hoped, or planned them to be.

Take care all, my thoughts are with you.
Kathlene