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Hi I am new to this site, and so glad to have found it. My Father In-Law has Dementia and is home living with My Mother In-Law. They have 5 children, some have families and some do not. The oldest child is single with no children, she is none stop fighting with other siblings and telling her mother how to care for Dad. I work 9-10 hours a day, my husband works 11 hours a day, we have 3 children. When Dad first became sick, we offered to add an in-law apartment to our home, but mom does not want to give up her house. I have slept over their house at times and I am the only person other than my kids, that will give grampie a bath. My Husband or myself usually get Dad into bed at night. Another sibiling helps get him up every morning. This one sibling has torn the family apart. Her constant screaming and yelling and calling everyone names and how she is there everyday and has no life has everyone to the point they don't want to got to the house. She has never slept over never given him a bath. I feel everyone does what they can. Mom will not stand up to anyone and is crying just about everyday. Nursing Home is not an option, The "queen" says that would be killing him!!!
It is so bad that no one will be spending the holidays together this year.
Is this normal??? Pleas Help!!
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Is is normal you ask??? Sadly, I'm afraid it is. At least for some families. You might want to try to contact a social worker and call a family meeting with the social worker as a mediator, to try and get everyone to get along.

I really don't know what happens to families when they begin caregiving their parents. My mom has Alzheimer's. I took her into my home for a year, at which time, I had to move her out because I sacrificed my physical and mental health. Mom moved in with my sister and has been there for two years. Since then, neither of my sisters speak to me because they both feel I do not do enough, don't do my share. I too work full time, Monday through Sat (Sat is only half a day, but then there is laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, errand running) and I pick up my mom from my sister's home and take her to my home every other Sunday for the entire day and bring her back around 7, 7:30 at night, right before she goes to bed. My sister would like to see me take my mom for weekends and a couple of weeks during the year so she can go on vacation. I simply cannot do it; I am not healthy enough to take that on. My mom has the finances to hire an aide for those times yet my sister won't do it. So neither of my sisters speak to me. Crazy, huh? I'm just glad my mom doesn't have a clue what is going on, because it would break her heart to know what is going on
Hello stressed... Mimi has given you a good example.. and unfortunately it is the norm...

a thought that comes to mind is have the whining sister attend a family meeting... not to attack her.. but for each of you to have time to share what you are feeling while everyone else remains silent until it is their turn to share. When everyone has shared and so call dumped their baggage, it can become a time to raise the consciousness and find out better solutions that will work for all of you on behalf of your father in law.... Some families ask a minister, social worker or nurse.. someone who is connected and professional to lead this... it's a suggestion...

Dementia is not going to go away as you well now and it will continue to get worse... maybe rotating schedules could be created so that everyone feels comfortable...

please keep us posted...

richest blessings
gail

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