As you all probably know - my Father passed away on 6/3/05 from cancer - and I still care for my Mother who is a chronic schziophrenic with breast cancer and heart disease.
Prior to being a full time care giver and working from home - I had a very good career in the Mortgage Industry. The company I worked for 11 years - closed due to bankruptcy - but I was kept on (and still am) - to work from home and finish the "close out" of the company. Everything happens for a reason - so they say - and I do so believe it - without this I could have NEVER financially been able to stay home and care for my parents like I have. Prior to working from home and moving my parents in with me 4 1/2 years ago - I would go over their house before work - at lunch and after work - to help them with what they need. They didn't need full time care - but some assistance.
Anyway - thru my parents issues - I have been offered some jobs - that some were really good but I turned down - because I knew I couldn't pull it off. Again ANOTHER job offer came and landed in my lap. A wonderful job as a Vice President - again here I go being tempted by this job.
I currently have it out on the table to the owner of this 3,000 person company - can I work a 4 day work week - he is considering it. Then I wonder if I am really insane!!!!! Work was such a HUGE part of my life prior to 5 years ago - it was WORK, my parents and my daughter that was it - so I think I am migrating back to what I know and what is comfortable. I get tingles when I think of being in an office again - working for a company that is actually making money - and just getting back into the hussle and bussle of business - and getting dressed up everyday!!!!! LOL!!! I think this may be just what I need - instead of sitting home everyday - crying and moping around at the loss of my Father. It would keep my mind occupied.
But in the same breath - I wonder if I am INSANE - my Mother would need care while I worked -which I guess could be done -but she fires everyone LOL!!! Plus her sleepliness nights would be much harder to take if I had to go to an office the next day - instead of sitting around the house. Then I think she does have breast cancer - heart disease and is 82 years old - what I am thinking by going back to a career - when one day physically she may need the same help my Father did. So I am just torn as to what to do. How can I really leave her? But how can I really not? At this point I would never put her in a facility - but I would need to get care-givers. On the days that I would work - I would probably only see her 2-3 hours a day - that would be a shock in itself. I really sit here and think WHAT AM I THINKING?????? I just am falling back into what was comfortable and who I used to be.
I continue to have a paycheck coming in by working from home - but that job should be over by the end of the year - maybe early spring of 2006 - I don't know - they say its gonna be over soon for the last 2 years - so I can't really even bank on that. I have enough in savings that after my work from home job is over that I could probably take off 6-12 months - but then what????? Will she even still be with us? Will she require even more care?
I am just really torn and all over the place. The other thing is - I don't feel as guilty going to work - as I do - meeting a friend for dinner - movie - show or a night out - so that is always a plus LOL!!! I have about 10 close friends who work at this company as well. I feel I will end up at that place someday - but is now really the someday?????? but again when the someday comes will such a GREAT offer be on the table.
All thoughts are appreciated. Keep in mind my Father died - 54 days ago - and I have a hard enough time doing dishes & laundry - I can't imagine really having to "work" - but maybe that is just what I need to snap me out of my funk - can you tell I am just ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!!
Thanks for listening!!!