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Hi, I haven't been on in a long while. Things have just gone from bad to intolerable. I have my mom living with me, 83, I am sure you don't remember my story. She is very abusive to me both verbally and physically. My brother will not help. We now are not on even speaking terms. Mom perfers her son over me and has no qualms telling me this. She has said the most nasty things to me that I wouldn't even want to repeat. My brother does not want his mother, but doesn't want her to know this. I even had to change my telephone to a "Police protected number" as he has made such accusations against me that he called the police and told them I have my mom "Imprisioned" I take her everywhere with me that I go, set up garden club meetings for her to go to, got her back into her painting, take her to church every week. I keep up with her spiritual needs, mental needs, physical needs and loving, caring needs. what else should i do. He now is taping her calls to him trying to get her to respond to very discriminating questions. She responds in such a way, not fully explaining herself that it could be taken wrong. I have a lawyer involved also way back in september. I can't take it anymore. What do I do. In all actuality I am afraid that the Lord is asking me to do this. Is he. Does he want me to go through this and end up in a police situation. Do I give up and have the lawyer send a letter to my brother to take his mom. I work and can't be here all day. She took a fall in the shower, with me right next to the door. She can no longer be left alone. But, I also feel she is a danger to me. Very abusive. Please help. I have no family or friends that want to get involved. I am in this all by myself. Of course, i did have the doctor, lawyer and police send him a letter in september stating "How lucky she is to have such great love and care." But I can't take my brothers pressure and accusations any more. I just tried calling the priest to ask him for advice, but he was serving mass. Please help I am really frightened with what my brother can do. He has lots of money for a lawyer and is a top ceo in Utah and has lots of power.gloria
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Hello Gloria

Please take some deep breaths and try to relax a bit. I am keeping you in my prayers. I would like to suggest that besides retaining a lawyer and getting the police to assist you, that you seek some professional counseling to help you make the right decisions.

I do remember you from before. To live in fear as you are is not healthy for you and in fact for your mother. If she is not capable of seeing all that you are doing and still prefers her son over you.. I ask you why are you doing all of this? I am not trying to be rude. I think you need to get in touch with your needs and by getting the professional assistance you need would help you to get in touch with so much of this.

We can only support you, not advise you. If your mother is no longer able to care for herself and needs 24 hr. care, that you cannot provide since you work, you may want to seek out other options.If she is a danger to you and abusive, then surely you might want to check out the other choices that are available to you at this time. There are many. However, my sense is you are not ready to do this.

Please seek some professional guidance, to help you work through these issues and let us know how you are doing. You must gain control of yourself in order to make the proper decisions.

Richest blessings.
Gail
Hi gloria...

I cannot imagine what you are going through..and my heart goes out to you.
I am an only child, but what your brother is doing I must admit makes me see red.
I guess I cannot fathom one sibling doing that to another. You need to keep up your strength...talk to lawyers, clergy...ANYONE who may be able to offer help, and support you. You have enough to deal with as a caregiver and just do not need all this.
Your brother almost sounds like he has some deep seated feeling of guilt or inadequacy because of the way he treats you. Sorry if i am wrong, but sometimes feelings like that can come out in...anger and abuse.
I mean no disrespect to your brother, as I am sure he has his own crosses to bear.
Just know that there are many out here who support you, and although I have no words of wisdom to give you a "quick fix"...you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

I wish you the best...
PrairieGal
Thanks for your replies. Logically I know all of this. My decisions etc. Would you believe with all of this commotion going on with her son, she is now sitting down painting, and happy as a lark. And can't understand for a minute what is wrong with me. She does this all the time. Especially when one of my children come to visit me as she did yesterday. I knew when she walked out the door, i would be in for it. and sure enough all morning long. So when all my attention and I mean every beck and call and finger snap is back focused on her, she is alright and goes about her business like nothing happened. And saying her favorite words as an after thought sarcastically "I love you, you know that" KISS KISS
KISS in the air and then smirks. That's logic, but i ask, how much does the Lord want a person to endure. Can anyone tell me that. How much!
I will probably call the lawyer tomorrow. I remind me of someone living with an abusive husband. Beats her, she bleeds, he acts as though nothing happened, tells her he will change and it will never happen again and that he loves her....until the next time. That's just what this is like. And because of my brother I am to afraid to do anything.
I will call the lawyer tomorrow and let him know that i suspect that her phone calls are being monitored and his clever questions are being answered just the way he wants. Baring the fact that I understand exactly what she means. But she can't find the words to let someone else know what she means. If I can get over the quilt that she imposes and realize that I have done everything in my absolute power to help her, I would make him take her.
Hi Gloria, I am so mad and so sad reading this. Both your Mom and brother know what strings to pull and seem to have you right where they want. I am worried because you sound like you have reached your breaking point. We all have one; a time when we have to say "enough is enough". Your brother sounds like a complete jerk to put it into printable terms. Definitely get legal guidance for this. Your mom's sour personality is being magnified by age and disease and will not improve. You have to work and it sounds like she can't be alone. No one likes to admit they can't handle a situation = our whole lives we are taught to cope = but I think that now your way of coping is to leave the situation. If your brother refuses to take your mom, let him spend some of his big CEO bucks for care for her - away from you. You have done absolutely everything possible and the only outcome seems to be the deterioration of your physical and mental health. The Lord knows what is in your heart and that you have tried all you can. Now it is time to try another route. May He give you the strength to do what seems to be the obvious next answer. Till that is accomplished, you have many friends only a click away who are or have been in caregiving and can truely undestand the toll it can take.
Nancy, I am so gratful for your reply. I know the others mean well. But there are times that you don't need to hear the words "get a counselor". You need understanding and compassion. Thank You for that. My biggest fear is not doing the Lords will. Maybe people can't understand that. But that is my life. I have sought the help of the lawyer "again". I am sure he has heard all this before. Yes I have been receiving legal counseling for about 5 months now. As of today I sent a letter, approved and thought through by the lawyer. I sent it to my brother advising him that in 3 weeks he will take on the responsibility of caring for my mom in his home. The lawyer says he will not do it, not with what my brother has done to me. But i can try. I leave it in the Lords hands and will accept his will what ever the next three weeks bring. I allowed three weeks because that how long it took me to do all the moving, correspondence etc. in moving my mom here and closing up her condo ready for sale and finishing up all dads loose ends that he left. Pray for me and my situation. I am ready for my brothers hate, rath and accusations in about three days. I am just so sorry for my mom. she is my mom and i do love her. But you are right, in my heart and my soul, i and the Lord know how much i have sacraficed for that love. and if the Lord chooses for me to continue, well so be it. Thank you nancy, you will be in my grateful prayers. I will ask for a special blessing for you and yours. gloria
Gloria, it should be about time for your dear brother to be responding to your attorney's letter. Please stick to your guns and don't let him threaten or bully you any more. It is time for him to take on some of the responsibility whether it be by actually taking your mom to live with him or by putting forth the effort to secure a facility for her. My sis and I don't always agree on everything but are united in caring for Mom. I have tried to put myself in your place and find reasons/excuses for your brothers behavior. As a Christian, this is what my heart tells me to do but I am sorry; I am not doing a very good job at the moment. Maybe he is just plain scared and this is his way of coping, but it is still no excuse. Want to be here for you and give you that little nudge in case you find yourself stumbling or losing courage. Don't begin looking too far into the future with "what if" scenarios; just take it a day at a time knowing what you have to do and soon you will have your mom settled somewhere, your brother will be out of your hair and you will have your life back. Good luck and I'll be praying for you.

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