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Sometimes I just break down and cry right in front of my mother who is 95 years old. When I do she is quick to reach out and cup my face in her hands and says,"Anna, don't cry. Everything will be okay" I tell her "Mother it is not you...it is the situation...it is so hard for me to see you like this...I want so much to help you, but I don't know how."

My problems pale compared to those that many of you have. 90% of the time things ar great here; it is the 10% that really get me down. Last week mother had a urinary tract infection and was going to the bathroom about 15 times in several hours. She was wanting me to help her. I no sooner got her off the toilet and out into the kitchen until she would say I have to go to the bathroom...this happened for two days...drove me up the wall, plus she wet the bed twice in the middle of the night....I began to know that something was seriously wrong, but had not a clue as to what.

Having never had that sort of infection, I was cluelesss, but I called the doctor and she said she would see her in one hour. Six pills later mother was fine..infact after two pills she seemed to be fine.

Mother usually goes to bed between 7 and 8. I always tuck her in and sometimes even curl up beside her, which she likes. Sometimes she gets up 6 or 7 times within two hours after going to bed and calls for me. "Anna, where are you, where are you? Come her Anna." AND I always go. She just wants me to be with her.

I can't wait until the weather turns warmer and we can go outside. She loves that: Picnic lunches on the back porch, sometimes even supper there....car rides through the countryside and of course, a dish of ice cream along the way.

I AM SO LUCKY and yet when I see a change in her, I get fearful and it really upsets me.

I am so lucky that I can leave the house for a walk, or go to the store, or work out in the yard, even go to lunch with a friend for an hour or so. I could have someone come in to help me, but we have a schedule and in less than two hours in the morning, mother has had breakfast, gone to the toilet, has had a sponge bath which we do in the bathroom. I have installed two grab bars on either side of the door frame. Mother stands there and holds on to them while I bathe her, bottom first and then dressed, then she sits down on her wheelchair and I was the top and dress. Usually by 9 or 9:30 we are both ready to start our day. I always get up before she does, and have table set and myself dressed.

I am sure some of you wonder why I get so stressed out. I am 67 and am single. Although I taught school for many years, I never had to answer to anyone ; never had anyone demanding my attention.

If you have read my introduction, you can better understand me.

I love my mother dearly ; noone can or would care for her as well as I. She raised two kids on her own, sacrificing much for us, and I remember that and am willing to do for her now when she needs it most.

Mother doesn't fear dying; she does fear losing her sight and ability to do the many things she wishes she could do. My heart aches for her at times.

Anna
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Hi, Anna.

Your post touched my heart. I wish I could curl up in bed with my mom right now, but she's in the hospital again. Sigh!

Well, the UTI's are something to watch for because they can can be really nasty buggers. My mom gets them alot, sometimes with no fever, she just gets lethargic and her urine looks cloudy. She'll also start making "non-sequitar" comments, when her mental state is otherwise mostly good. After a few days untreated she'll be too weak to eat. When she was home or in assisted living, I had an arrangement with her Dr. that I could drop off a urine sample for a diagnosis, rather than have to bring her physically to sit for hours at the clinic. She's been in skilled nursing settings since January, and I've had to clue in her caregivers to be vigilant, and notice changes in her skill level and demeanor on a day-to-day basis. Well, she had a whopper of a uti in February, and it's been downhill from there. Long, depressing story.

So anyway, give your mother a hug and let her comfort you, if it helps. It sounds like you two have a special relationship.

Best wishes,
Barb
{{Anna}}

Your post touched my heart. What a special relationship you have with your mom. Crying is just another way for your body and soul to heal. Allowing this emotion to come through you is a positive experience. I for one, am a very sensitive person, who happens to cry very easily. It is encouraging to hear your mother is not afraid to die, maybe she is teaching you not to be afraid of her dying.
When my father was living with me, I too, use to crawl into his bed at night when he was afraid. My father is afraid to die, afraid to be alone. Since being placed in the Nursing Home he has gone through many emotions, changes. I think now he has some peace in his soul, reminding me daily that "The Lord will take care of him"
Keep sharing, hugging, cuddling, and loving your mother Angel. She is so lucky to have a daughter like you.
Hugs,
Robin~
Anna, My fil went to Adams school from 1938 to 1945. If you feel comfortable with it, please tell me her last name. If not email me with it as he wants to know if he had her as a teacher. His brother and sister went there too. Both are old than him, sister is only one still living. If you want to email me my email address is on the chat schedule just click on my name a short bio and then email at the bottom. I also posted a seminar that is upcoming in Johnstown under the News category. I don't think I will be able to attend that one. Take care and hope all is well.
And yes, I cry but not as much now as before. I think before I just felt sorry for my situation, friends and family kind of deserted me and with no brothers and sisters, it was very difficult to deal with.
Mardell

[This message has been edited by Mardell (edited 04-27-2005).]
Anna...

Your post brought back so many memories of my time caregiving for my own mother, who I loved dearly...
I cried so much during that time...usually never in front of her though because I didn't want to frighten her...but due to the sleepless nights, the stress, and just watching her deteriorate..well...some days the tears didn't seem to want to stop...
Your mom is very lucky...you are a strong and caring daughter and the closeness you two share will guide you through ...
take care and please let us know how
things are going for you...
PrairieGal

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