Sometimes I just break down and cry right in front of my mother who is 95 years old. When I do she is quick to reach out and cup my face in her hands and says,"Anna, don't cry. Everything will be okay" I tell her "Mother it is not you...it is the situation...it is so hard for me to see you like this...I want so much to help you, but I don't know how."
My problems pale compared to those that many of you have. 90% of the time things ar great here; it is the 10% that really get me down. Last week mother had a urinary tract infection and was going to the bathroom about 15 times in several hours. She was wanting me to help her. I no sooner got her off the toilet and out into the kitchen until she would say I have to go to the bathroom...this happened for two days...drove me up the wall, plus she wet the bed twice in the middle of the night....I began to know that something was seriously wrong, but had not a clue as to what.
Having never had that sort of infection, I was cluelesss, but I called the doctor and she said she would see her in one hour. Six pills later mother was fine..infact after two pills she seemed to be fine.
Mother usually goes to bed between 7 and 8. I always tuck her in and sometimes even curl up beside her, which she likes. Sometimes she gets up 6 or 7 times within two hours after going to bed and calls for me. "Anna, where are you, where are you? Come her Anna." AND I always go. She just wants me to be with her.
I can't wait until the weather turns warmer and we can go outside. She loves that: Picnic lunches on the back porch, sometimes even supper there....car rides through the countryside and of course, a dish of ice cream along the way.
I AM SO LUCKY and yet when I see a change in her, I get fearful and it really upsets me.
I am so lucky that I can leave the house for a walk, or go to the store, or work out in the yard, even go to lunch with a friend for an hour or so. I could have someone come in to help me, but we have a schedule and in less than two hours in the morning, mother has had breakfast, gone to the toilet, has had a sponge bath which we do in the bathroom. I have installed two grab bars on either side of the door frame. Mother stands there and holds on to them while I bathe her, bottom first and then dressed, then she sits down on her wheelchair and I was the top and dress. Usually by 9 or 9:30 we are both ready to start our day. I always get up before she does, and have table set and myself dressed.
I am sure some of you wonder why I get so stressed out. I am 67 and am single. Although I taught school for many years, I never had to answer to anyone ; never had anyone demanding my attention.
If you have read my introduction, you can better understand me.
I love my mother dearly ; noone can or would care for her as well as I. She raised two kids on her own, sacrificing much for us, and I remember that and am willing to do for her now when she needs it most.
Mother doesn't fear dying; she does fear losing her sight and ability to do the many things she wishes she could do. My heart aches for her at times.