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Hi Dedra...
That is an excellent question to discuss I think...I was very lucky in the fact my husband wanted my mom with us when she got ill...But because of the very stressful situation of having a parent in your home, taking up most of your time, and just the total rescheduling of your life...I can see where problems could arise.
I guess my only advice to married couples taking in a parent to caregive for would be to make a rule right at the beginning. And that would be as soon as any resentment or anger rears, to sit down and talk honestly and openly about it.
To cut off lines of communication and keep everything bottled up we all know...leads to no good.
I use the word resentment because that is what I mostly can see happening. Resentment because your husband or wife can't do things like before with you, resentment because perhaps in the middle of a conversation they have to go take care of their parent, resentment in perhaps cutting an evening out short because their parent has a problem. It would probably begin to look to the other spouse as if they are coming second to the parent now.
I think if such thoughts manifest and cannot be worked through counselling would be my next advice, as caregiving can be so stressful and emotion wrenching that a third party may be necessary to put both in focus and on the right track again.

Hello Dedra...

so pleased you posted this topic. It is such a vitally important one in times like this. Being torn in the midst of two people you love dearly is a real challenge. I don't think I could have said it any better than Prairie Gal.

Communicating, balancing and remaining open to love is the key. I know your heart is in the right place and that at times you may be ponced upon. If you are able to really communicate how you are feeling with him when you are both in a supportive space, when the times get difficult, perhaps it will be easier to not take it in so much. I am sure many others will be responding to this one as time goes on.

Richest blessings angel
HI Dedra, Thanks for asking the question? I have been pondering it since you posted...I am really struggling with this one as it has been a source of constant concern and struggle since my Dad moved in with us. My husband wants to be supportive, but I know it is hard for him and I feel his support ebb and flow. At times I feel so all alone in trying to make things work, get things in place, keep everyone happy...I will look forward to other posts.

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