Do you feel guilty when you take time for yourself instead of being there constantly for your loved one?
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Not so much guilt as anger. I deserve the time. My husband and I need the time away from my mother to help our marriage otherwise it will certainly fail. I know he loves me deeply and we've been together now 11 years unmarried and 3 1/2 years married, but the arguing from being exhausted and too much to do is damaging. However, there is constantly a list of things to do that my mom nags me about. She's hypersensitive to allergens and is picky about her water system, furnace filters changed, etc. I spend so much time cleaning her areas and doing her errands that I don't get to clean my own space. My husband works a lot, too. I snap at Mom when she keeps reminding me and when I do get "downtime" I often sleep a lot to compensate my own physical needs - so I still skip the cleaning I need to do for myself. Then I get angry when I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere. And I get angry that I don't get more time to myself. I try to find inspiration and strength to remind myself of all I have to be thankful for, but some days are just tough.
Dedra,
I can so relate to what you said. The exhaustion, being sick yet never having time for yourself because we are such good little caretakers we could never let our mothers or husbands needs go unmet? Meanwhile we are not taking care of ourselves.
Recently my brother in law & his wife came to stay with Mom for the weekend so we could have some time away. We drove 5 miles to the next town rented a room at a nice hotel and slept for 18 hours straight. If there was anything that showed us it is that we need to take more time for ourselves. Not necessarily away from mom but just better care for our own needs instead of focusing every single moment on mom and her care. Now I am not sure yet how to accomplish that task but at least I know now that I need too.
Vicki
I can so relate to what you said. The exhaustion, being sick yet never having time for yourself because we are such good little caretakers we could never let our mothers or husbands needs go unmet? Meanwhile we are not taking care of ourselves.
Recently my brother in law & his wife came to stay with Mom for the weekend so we could have some time away. We drove 5 miles to the next town rented a room at a nice hotel and slept for 18 hours straight. If there was anything that showed us it is that we need to take more time for ourselves. Not necessarily away from mom but just better care for our own needs instead of focusing every single moment on mom and her care. Now I am not sure yet how to accomplish that task but at least I know now that I need too.
Vicki
Vicky you are on the right track. No one else can give us the time we need. We have to take charge and create this time for ourself. I am getting up an hour and fifteen minutes earlier daily for the past month. I do 20 minutes of yoga and 20 minutes of stretching with an exercise ball and then I write for the rest of the time. Who else can do this for me? There are no excuses...taking even five minutes during several times of the day is a start. When you begin to see the difference in yourself, it makes it easier to increase the amount of times.
There is no one to blame...it is just about doing it...
The outcome.... is marvelous...clarity, regrouping, balanced emotionally, spiritually, physically and emotionally... it becomes a joy and we have more strength, confidence and clarity, along with purpose and an open heart.
Richest blessings to you both....
Gail
There is no one to blame...it is just about doing it...
The outcome.... is marvelous...clarity, regrouping, balanced emotionally, spiritually, physically and emotionally... it becomes a joy and we have more strength, confidence and clarity, along with purpose and an open heart.
Richest blessings to you both....
Gail
I can relate to feeling angry and tired. I'm the sole caregive to my husband and some days are worse than others. I do forget to take care of me and think that I have to give 100%+ to him. That's where I'm wrong, if I'm not well myself I can't give 50%.
He really gets to me at times and I hate to admit it but sometimes I resent having to do this & yeet I'd never stop doing it because I love him dearly.
I'm learning to set down and relax and get out and do things for me. This site has been a termendous blessing to me. I just discovered it about 3 weeks ago and it's helped just knowing that there is someone else who's doing this and understands.
To help with the anger I try and look at how my hubby is feeling and where he's coming from and not necessarly what he's said or done.
Also if I'm rested and relaxrd I find I don't tend to get as angry or I'm not so touchy.
I also have to realize he's a big boy and if he decides he's going to eat something solid which makes him sicker then it's NOT MY FAULT. It took me a long time to reach that place. I'm there and now I just wait for him to admit that hee was wrong and should not have eaten what he did and then it's back to the stronger steroids to get his breathing strightened out again.
I do believe that these feelings are normal and as long as we can keep them in check then we're doing ok.
Gloria
He really gets to me at times and I hate to admit it but sometimes I resent having to do this & yeet I'd never stop doing it because I love him dearly.
I'm learning to set down and relax and get out and do things for me. This site has been a termendous blessing to me. I just discovered it about 3 weeks ago and it's helped just knowing that there is someone else who's doing this and understands.
To help with the anger I try and look at how my hubby is feeling and where he's coming from and not necessarly what he's said or done.
Also if I'm rested and relaxrd I find I don't tend to get as angry or I'm not so touchy.
I also have to realize he's a big boy and if he decides he's going to eat something solid which makes him sicker then it's NOT MY FAULT. It took me a long time to reach that place. I'm there and now I just wait for him to admit that hee was wrong and should not have eaten what he did and then it's back to the stronger steroids to get his breathing strightened out again.
I do believe that these feelings are normal and as long as we can keep them in check then we're doing ok.
Gloria