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Hello, I am new to your site but have been reading the messages and think you may understand.

I am a caregiver to my husband, and have been for over 20 years. During some of that time I have looked after him intensively - bathing him, dressing him, changing dressings etc - but most of the time it is much more low key. He has a multitude of health problems and needs help with the problems they cause rather than constant care and attention. He also needs monitoring as his condition can change without warning.

I had some some doubts before we married - not health-related ones but compatability ones. I put it down to pre-wedding nerves. Three years into the marriage I realised it was a mistake and was considering leaving him. Then illness struck and he was very seriously ill. I put aside my doubts and focussed on helping him survive.

He later lost his job due to illness and money was extremely tight. We struggled to keep going. All the same doubts were there but I buried them deep as I worked to keep the mortgage paid.

As time passed the situation eased. We are still on a small budget but we no longer live in fear of losing the house.

My husband's health has deteriorated and he is increasingly dependent on me. At the same time he treats me like a friend rather than a wife. I can't remember the last time we had sex - nor the last time he hugged me or showed me affection. We are living under the same roof but like sister and brother.
He seems happy with this arrangement - I am not. I feel as though my options are limited.

If money was limitless, I feel a viable option would be to move into two adjacent houses and live separate lives, yet for me to be on hand when needed. Unfortunately we can barley afford to run one house let alone two.

Has anyone been in this situation and found a solution?
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Dear Ladybird:

Welcome to the boards. I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through in your marriage... The health issues make it very hard on you I am sure.

What I am hearing is that you want to be free to enter into another relationship if one should come along. Is that correct? That is understandable in many ways. Have you ever discussed how you are feeling with your husband? Do you think that counseling might help?

It is hard to know what to say in a situation such as you are in. There are no easy answers... Here is one posting that maybe you can relate to:

Just know that this is a safe place to express yourself and we are here for you...

Love and Hugs from Glenda

[This message has been edited by glenderella (edited 10-05-2006).]
Hi Ladybird,

Welcome, while there are many here who can support you, I am going to also suggest that you connect with the WellSpouse Association - where the site is totally based on spouses and needs not being met. My sense, is that in particular it can assist you,.

There are timnes, even during illness when couples need to split... hsaring with others who are going through similar experiences is vital and I think you will find others walking in shoes similar to your own.

Of course, you will also always find support here and you are welcome to continue posting here as well...

O pray you will find the decision that is best for you.....

Richest blessings

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