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I made the decision a week ago, to move in with my mother. I had a niece living with her to be there during night, and help coming from 8 -2 weekdays. My niece was to fill in the other times. Well she had a baby in February (single mom) and she began to feel overwhelmed. She needed "time" so she would leave and be gone endless hours if not all night. That was leaving me (full time mother of 3) coming over and sitting till she decided to come home. While I "sit", my work at home isn't getting done and I am leaving my family and kids. So to make it easy on me, I chose to move in with mom. My youngest stays with me during school week, and my husband joins me on weekends. I care for mom during night and till I go to work and as soon as I return. Having done so, my niece threw a fit and left! So now we have no help in afternoons.
Meanwhile, I am not accustomed to full time caregiving. I have fibromyalgia and it is hard getting up and down, and I do have to get up and down all the time. On one hand, I am glad to do this as I fear mom won't last long, but the other hand, it is stressing me and my whole family. My brother is my only other family and he works too many hours, plus pulls the "head in sand" routine alot. We argue alot about this, to which makes my mom feel so bad. We lost my father in Decemember and we are all still feeling the loss dearly.
She (mom) has home health and therapy coming out during week. She is in and out of hospitals and when she is in hospital she insists I stay with her there.
I don't take naps anymore. I wake up at least 3 times during night to help her and barely manage to get myself ready for work. She is so completely dependant on others. It makes her feel shameful and I feel sorry for her that she has come to this. But I am not sure I made the right decision. But I felt I didn't have a choice.
We tried a rehab out of town and that was a nightmare to the whole family and mom, then a rehab/nursing home to which they almost killed her! So I said she will just have to come home and stay her till she dies. Then I consulted the doctor about hospice. He said in his opinion he thought she would outlive 6 months! Not that I am ready for her to go, but does that mean I am hear for years???
I wish I could go and on, but my time is limited as you all know. She is hollering for me now. Each time I go to fold clothes or fix a snack or use restroom, something happens and she needs me!! I will keep praying!!

kaymac
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Dear Kaymac,
Unfortunately, I have no answers for you, but can certainly empathize...I too care for my mother and I have Fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed 16 years ago and have managed it quite well with meds and exercise, but now, taking care of mom I find I have many more flare ups, probably due to stress and I'm not able to exercise as I once could.
My mom is 83 and has Alzheimer's; she is in the moderate stage. She cannot be left alone and I work full time. I do have help for her during the day, but from 4p until she goes to bed, I am with her. As I mentioned, I don't have answers for you, but I certainly know what you are going through. Besides the stress you are under now, add to that the lack of good quality sleep and I know the kind of pain you are enduring. It's so important for you to get a good night's rest or at least a nap during the day and you're getting neither. I am new to this forum too and am happy to share any information I can with you to help you with your Fibro and mom....my thoughts are certainly with you...blessings, Mimi
Kaymac, my mom moved in with me 18 months ago, She was diagnosed with dementia, but Zyprexa 2.5 has done wonders. The first few months were hell for me. Mother was still confused, didn't know who I was, wanted to go home to her parents ( Mother is now 95) She packed up her things in her sheets and wanted me to call my brother to come get her. Did this many, many times. I cried a lot then. I was doing my best and she countered me at every turn..........But that has all changed now. There is no confusion as to who I am...she loves it here....and we have worked out a course of action which suits us both MOST OF THE TIME. I have posted several things here aboout our experiences together. Unlike you, I am 66, retired, and have no family to be responsible for. I am sure that is why things have worked here for us so well. My biggest problem right now is that mother can not remember from one minute to the next. I can't tell her something and expect her to remember, so I write things out on 5X8 cards and leave them on the table in the kitchen....this has really worked for us...no more constantly calling me. I would no sooner sit down to do something than she would be calling...it drove/drives me crazy.

I have posted some suggestions which have worked for us under Helpful Strategies. Maybe you can find something there.

Things will get better, but it isn't fair to take its toll on your family either.

I wish you well.

Anna

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