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I'm not sure if that's what I'm feeling but I can't seem to move ahead.
Some days I am just fine and then the other days I am so miserable.
I've started 2 new jobs since Mom's death and I have quit both of them.

I just can't seem to 'get happy'!!
I wake in the morning and tell myself today is the day that I am gonna' get my act together, but by afternoon, I am still miserable.

I am trying very hard to be happy!!
But it's just not happening.

I've thought about calling my PCP and see what if anything he can do for me.
But I don't want to start on anything if I don't have to.

Any suggestions?
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Hi Dear Patty:

Give yourself permission to be unhappy... It is okay - it really is...

Try to find some time to set aside to just grieve on a regular basis. Rent sad movies and cry. Take a walk and just feel blue for as long as you wish. Jump in the shower when you feel like crying and just sob.

I kind of think of it as a big cloud that follows us during grief and it has to spend itself out before the sun will shine. I wish I had more to share with you but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. We are here for you doll!

Love and Hugs from Glenda
Hi Patti, please give yourself a break. You lost someone who was and still is very important in your life. Grieving has NO timeline. You need something to fill some of that time that you took caring for your Mom. Something you find fulfilling. My Mom passed 3 1/2 years ago, and only last January did I finally find something that made me feel useful and needed. Most people would find it weird, but I love it. I began working at our local nature center in the wildlife infirmary. Now I am caring for birds of prey, birds of all kinds, squirrels, woodchucks, possums, ducks, geese, and in the spring ( baby season) I can feed the babies their formula. Really quite important to me. Oh and we have had several fawns included in our care also. So, find
that 'something' for you! And you will always have "days" that tears will find you. please take care and I am here if ya need a shoulder.

Everyone has given you such sound support angel... I too, encourage you to get some professional counseling whether it be one on one or in a group for grief and bereavement. If you read back to some of your other postings, you will see more in depth responses to your depression and grief.

Caregivers get so caught up in their caregiving, that they don't often heed their own signs of daily losses or anticipated grief.. and then when a loved one has transitioned, the grief, sadness and depression can become what seems to be unbearable.. but caregiving has challenged you and transformed you.. your likes, needs, etc. in ways that you may not be aware of or that perhaps you never dreamed of.

Grieving knows no boundaries. There is no right or wrong way.. just the way you are. While you are looking for the pill to make you "Happy" overnight.. it may be more important for you to find support and allow the emotions you have flow through and out from you... if you could begin writing... daily in a journal.. expressing your feelings, it would be a great start.

And keep posting and disgussing more of what you are feeling here where we will all support you as well..

It has almost two years since my mother and her sister's passing... I still find myself feeling overwhelemed at times with sadness during holidays, special times, etc. I too, want the quick fix so I can continue with the work of the organization, but I must remind myself to be gentle and nurturing with myself.

This is a time for you to evaluate your own life.. make changes to begin your own life more fully..., sometimes it may even require someone who can coach you or mentor you.. help you to set little mini attainable goals.. something to move forward to... Three things I did for myself was to begin studying pottery... it gave me an aopportunity to create and express myself through the clay... I began volunteering at a museum.. just to have another way to get me out and interacting with others... it's been a blessing... the next was to get my own health back... to exercise - work out and begin swimming and bicycle riding.. these have been wonderful outlets.. times for me to be with me... and to care for me as I have for all my loved ones I have cared for ...

Please keep posting angel... blessings and may your journey become more gentle and nurturing.

Thank you all.
You don't know what a Godsend this message board has been for me.
I appreciate you all so much.
Even if I don't post I am here everyday to read and keep up with what everyone is doing.

I do need an outlet. I want to get back to exercising and lifting, but I just can't get myself moving. Every monday I promise this is the day, then I put it off.

Today however, is the day. It is ugly and rainy here so, I am going downstairs and getting on that treadmill!!!

Thanks again for all your kindess.
God Bless
Dear Patty,

I really hope you were able to get on that treadmill. It is a great way to clean out the cobwebs and lift some of the sadness. I've always been one to exercise and can actually feel the difference in my mood when I do. But last year, when I became so depressed, even knowing that it would help, I just could not get myself to do it, so I certainly do understand what you are going through. Sometimes all it takes is telling someone else you are going to exercise to get yourself back into it and if that is the case for you, then consider it being said...I am watching you!!! Seriously, I hope you are able to get back into it and weight lifting. On the other hand, if you just are not able to do so, don't punish yourself. As Gail always says, be gentle with yourself. You have gone through so much, first with caregiving and now grieving. If you can't get yourself on the treadmill today, then maybe tomorrow. The good news is, is that you are thinking about it. I'm behind you Patty and hoping that today is the day...
Warm regards,
Oh Patty! I'm so excited for you! And so proud of you! GOOD FOR YOU!!! You've taken the first step, which is always the hardest. Patty, you will see that exercising will definitely help your mood. It might not alleviate all the sadness, but it will help.

You know, maybe that's what we all should do...check in with each other on a daily basis to see if we're all taking care of ourselves. That is the only way to get through caregiving and remain healthy, mentally as well as physically. It's been written here over and over and yet it cannot be stressed enough...taking care of ourselves is the most important thing we can do not only for ourselves, but for those we love and care for.

Patty, again, KUDOS!! Now it's my has stopped raining, so I'm taking my pups out for a long walk...
Congrats Patty... are you still working out?

Yes Miriam... we are here to support one another.. the venting is a neccessity for us all to be able to move to the place of self nurturing... one of the main reasons for this site... so that we can all empower one another to heal on a body, mind, spirit level....

take care


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