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Dad gave his last breathes early morning hours of the 23rd. (Mom died 7/23/94). So the 23rd is not surprising. He slipped away while I took a 15 minute shower. Or sometime therein. I had been there constantly. Even slept with him. He wanted OJ and I got him some. He had a little with my help. But his body just could not hold it. My daughter and I went in and he was gone. I screamed and screamed "Dad" because I refused to believe it. His eyes were almost shut and his mouth wide open.
Now I am wandering around wondering what to do. Now what?
Love you all.
Sue
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{{{{{Sue}}}}

I pray your dad, your family and yourself all move into a gentle and nurturing healing. You did so much for him and I hear it in your energy that you were truly there for him as you wanted to be with the assistance of Hospice.

So many people have rallied to support you and we will continue to do so through this time of need.

Take time to heal before moving, before dispensing his belongings... allow yourself to feel and heal all that is needed and in time... when it is appropriate you will begin to reclaim your life as I have been doing... and you will fill the void as you see fit with experiences, with people and with all that fills you with peace, joy, love and all you deserve...

Please keep us posted... you are all in my thoughts and prayers...

richest blessings
gail
Dearest Sue,
My deepest condolences to you on the passing of your Dad.
Sue, you did everything you possibly could have done for him...May you find comfort and peace in knowing you were there for him, in all the right ways, even lying in bed with him and holding him these past few days. You are truly an angel...with much love and hugs, Mimi
Dear Sue,

Please accept my heartfelt condolences to you and your family. You have worked so hard all these many months. Your dad was so lucky to have you there for him.

Now is the time for you to be kind to yourself. As Gail says, it takes time to heal. Just do what feels right for you in the next weeks and months - and do keep posting so we know how you are.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Hugs,
Barb
{{{Sue}}}
My dear friend,
I am so sad to hear of Dad's passing. He for sure will be at peace, *feeling better* in heaven. He is resting now. You have done such a great job Sue. Please do not question anything you have done or have not done. Remember, without you, Dad would never have lasted this long. He didn't die, alone. Had you not cared for him all these years, he may have passed a long time ago. You gave him a reason to live. The years of taking care of him can never be replaced, for that he and you have been blessed.
The next few weeks ahead will be difficult, and every emotion will flow. Let them. Give yourself the time to feel them all, and begin to heal. Keep writing.
Please know we are all here giving lots of hugs and support. Keeping you in my daily prayers as always.
Love and hugs,
Robin~
Sue:

I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad, although I am glad that he is no longer suffering. I didn't like hearing that in the beginning, but time has allowed me to really believe that.

I had chills just reading your post - it bought tears to my eyes. I agree with Gail, take time to heal before going thru his things - I still have not gone thru much of my Fathers.

I know the 1st week for me - I was kinda numb. Although I KNEW it was coming - and I didnt' realize I was numb - looking back I was. Just kinda going thru the motions - and being amazingly strong - getting thru things I thought were impossible. I don't care how long you have to prepare for the loss of a loved one, how old they are etc - its still very very hard. I know in the beginning I felt a big sense of relief - and I too did not know what to do with myself to fill up the time - that I was always taking care of him. Fortunately or Unfortunatley I have my Mother who managed to step up - and need more required care - pretty much immediately after he died - so she has filled a lot of my time.

I have learned its important to take time to grieve - do something for you - and try NEVER to feel guilty. You remind me a lot of me - that is why I mention this. YOU DID AN AMAZING JOB WITH YOUR DAD - HE KNEW HOW MUCH YOU LOVED HIM AND HOW WELL YOU CARED FOR HIM. He lived as long as he did because of ALL you LOVE and CARE that you gave him. Without you by his side - his life would have lost meaning a long time ago.

God Bless you - you are in my prayers - and your Dad is finally home. I call the date of death - "his angel birthday" - cause if heaven is they way it's supposed to be - think of how happy and free he must be now!!!! I take HUGE comfort in that.

All my love,

Janet
Oh Dear Sue:

I can only imagine how you feel. You have taken such wonderful care of your father and for so long. It is only natural that you are at a loss now.

But you were there for him - always - up to the last minute. And, here for us, also to share your knowledge and experience... You are an angel!

Let the tears flow for your father and your loss. Be gentle with yourself and allow the grieving process to run its course. I am sure it is not easy to get over the death of someone who has been a huge part of your life for decades!

Your dad was blessed with you and took that knowledge with him into the spiritual realm. He will be with you always...

Love and Hugs from Glenda
Thank ALL of you for your kind words.
Yes, the times with Dad were wonderful, trying, hurtful, sad and full of love. Looking back, that is no different than any family. Sick or well. So I must say that the emotions you are feeling now as a caregiver, I now realize are no different than everyday life with people. Period. The difference is that we may have to pick up more, clean up more, but our feelings and words will be the same. We become a "caregiver" in every sense of the word.
With that said, believe that you have every right to be angry, sad, yell, love and all of the above feelings. You are all angels.
Thank you again.
Love to all of you.
Sue
Dear Sue,

First you have my deepest sympathy. All of us who have traveled this path know how your heart is hurting. You feel so empty now and you will for awhile. But you will go on and someday you'll be able to look back and smile through your tears.

I was not able to be with my Dad when he passed. He was in his hospital room, alone, when he left. It broke my Mom's heart that she could not be there. But I've told her and I feel in your circumstances also, as long as you were there, it was just too hard for him to let go. I believe that there are forces between certain people that are so strong that it's difficult to move away from that special bond. Remember how we've said - in God's perfect time. It was the perfect time for your Dad to go on to a better place.

I will keep you in my prayers and know that you will be given the strength for the days that lay ahead of you.

Take care my friend.
Chris
Thanks Chris.
Ya know, my Mom died alone too in a hospital room. So I hear you. I also believe he knew, as you said, I was always there at the end and that made it harder for him to let go. He knew. I have NO doubt now.
Don't feel bad if you were not there - that's what I think a dying person would want. No, I know now. I feel I was probably a pest. If I could do it all over, - I'd have left him alone the first day I knew what was going on.
Hugs,
Sue

[This message has been edited by Notenoughhours (edited 09-03-2005).]
Sue,
I am sorry to hear of your dad's passing. You have my deepest condolences. When my dad passed unexpectedly, it was hard and I questioned myself, but I knew dad was at peace and I know he loved me and I know that your dad loved you and all that you did for him. Heaven wanted an angel and that was your dad. Hugs
Leighanne

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