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I am caring for my ex's mother (was also caring for his dad, who passed away on 0ct. 26). Anyhow, mom has this mean streak and she just loves to needle me becaused "You're so easy to get going". My ex, when I talked to him, suggested I might be "oversensative' to mom. I'm not oversensative, I'm over her bulls---! As I have no support from him, and have to keep my chin up for my daug-in-law who lives w/ us and is 7 1/2 mo preg. w/ our first grandson while my son is serving in Iraq - I just cut words into my legs with a razor blade. Sounds sick, but it eases the pain somehow. It allows me to not lose my temper at a 79-y -0 widow w/ alzheimers who is mean and cruel and gets away with it, helps me to be up for my lovely dau-in-law (she is a blessing, really) - I have no where else to go - so what do you do? You cope. Say a prayer, ok?
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Hello gracenhope:

I am glad that you have your daughter-in-law with you so that you are not so alone in this care-giving role over the holidays. And congratulations on your upcoming grandchild! It is so wonderful that you and she get along so well.

It is difficult to be around someone that is mean-spirited and uncivil to others. There is really no excuse to needle someone at their expense just "for the fun of it". You have every right to request that she quit abusing you in that respect. It may be that, in her mind, it is fun to see how far she can push you.

So, gracenhope, it's time to tell her that you have had enough of her BULL! I know that it is easier said than done... that you possibly don't want to lose your temper or create conflict. However, I believe that it is not what you say - but how you say it.

Let her know, calmly but firmly, that you don't appreciate personal comments that are unnecessary and hurtful and that if she continues along those lines, you will have to discontinue being around her... Let her figure out what that means. Then, get her safely settled and go for a walk or into another room or whatever gets you away from her. But, please do not go and hurt yourself again... This is about respecting yourself!

We are all here for you and how I wish that we could swoop in and pull you out of that environment. You are doing good work for others and should be valued for what you are doing. Your ex-husband is not supportive nor worthy of your help... my thoughts and prayers are with you!

Love and Hugs from Glenda

[This message has been edited by glenderella (edited 12-06-2005).]
Hello gracenhope...

I am praying that you get the professional help that you need to help you not destroy yourself because of other's behavior towards you... there is a lot going on in your family and the relationships and I encourage you to begin sorting through it all to help yourself as much as you are willing to help others...

blessings

gail

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