Skip to main content

Short recap:  My husband (DH) is 63, retired on disability with his back about 12 years ago.  He also has heart problems which are stable right now, type II diabetes - also well controlled, and general chronic pain that's ongoing.  I've been working from home the past 10 years to be there for him and manage my mother's care at various facilities until her death in Dec, 2009.  We've been through a lot of highs and lows during this time, developed a comfortable routine, but falling farther and farther behind in finances and maintenance of home, property (40 acres) and equipment.

 

My home business, that was doing pretty well a few years ago, has barely limped along during the down economy, with my target market being local mom and pop businesses that took an additional hit from the oil spill debacle last summer.  My last few projects have been long-distance over-the-internet jobs, which are generally low-pay and only part-time hours.  Last year I explored finding a local PT job, just to augment our income.  I got several interviews, but no job.

 

A couple of months ago my stepson called to ask if we would consider deeding him a small parcel on our place so he could move here *for good*.  He's mid-40's, divorced and remarried, and also on disability with his back and having heart problems.  They currently live about 10 hours from here in another state, but his ex-wife and three kids live about an hour from here.  His new wife has full custody of a 12-year-old son and got laid off about the same time he got disabled.  She's gone back to school and just needs a two week intensive course to get state certification as a nursing assistant - which is in high demand here.

 

So the plan is for the three of them (stepson, DIL and her son) to stay in our home for a few months while they get set up to be our neighbors.  He has a firm commitment from his grown son to help do the heavy manual labor - which is mostly clearing a lot for them to use.  They've already sold their old place and have the money in hand to get the rest done:  utility hookups and buying a large mobile home.  His long range goal is to help me get caught up on all the maintenance issues and have more quality time with his dad (get him out of the house).  His own mom (DH's ex) also lives about an hour away.  She and her husband have both had health issues recently.  So this move will get my stepson close to all of his family, which will go a long way to improving his personal mental health.

 

What this means for me is a lot of stress short term, with the long term pay off being someone here with DH, or close enough that he's now okay with me working full time outside of our home again.  It will be a challenge finding something that pays well enough to be worth a probable commute as nearby opportunities are few.  I have a good relationship with DIL (she's a keeper), and am genuinely looking forward to having her and her son living next door.  He's already been helping me do "critter chores" when they visit and actually wants to take responsibility for them whenever I get that full time job.

 

I have more, but out of time for now... how am I feeling?  Apprehensive, but generally happy.

Thanks for listening.

-Barb

 

Original Post

Replies sorted oldest to newest

Hi Barb:

 

i think it sounds wonderful! The fact that you will be getting help on your 40 acres sounds like a godsend at this point in your life. I cannot even imagine all the work that goes into so much property...

 

You are blessed to have a DIL that you get along with and having a young person around always livens things up! Hopefully, this will not be too stressful after all. Just remember to take those deep breaths and enjoy the moments.

 

Hugs, Glenda

 

Hi, Glenda.

 

Thanks for your reply.  Sorry to be so long responding.  Between the hubbub of the kids moving in and issues with our internet connection, I've only had time for quick reads, but not much posting.

 

They're here! (remember the little girl from the Poltergeist movie?)  I'm only mildly alarmed at the volume of extra stuff piled around... good thing I don't mind clutter.  My kitties and one of the new dogs are at odds.  Other than that, we're doing okay. 

 

The kids are so sweet about wanting to do everything for us, it wears me out to watch.  I have to remind them that I'm the only adult in the bunch who hasn't had back surgery, and I actually *need* to stay actively involved for my own health.  That and I'm worried they are taking on too much and will get overwhelmed and burned out... and everyone here knows how quickly resentment and other emotional rot sets in when the load is unbalanced.

 

I'll post updates as the situation warrants, especially if I need to vent (ya'll already knew that though, didn't you?).  So far so good.  Keepin' that good energy flowin'.

 

Love n hugs,

Barb

Hi Barb:

 

How time flies...

 

I am glad to hear the "kids" have arrived Barb. It sounds like they are glad to move in and get settled. Things should turn routine before long and the clutter from moving will hopefully disappear.

 

I am thinking warm and fuzzy thoughts for you and your loved ones. I hope your DH is doing well and all goes smoothly!

 

Blessings, Glenda

 

Thanks, Gail.

 

I find I'm having to let go of some of my own control issues.  I have had to hold firm on a few things that I know are safety issues around the horses and some of their habits that over time are budget busters.  So far, though, everyone is happy with the arrangement.  DH was out on the porch yesterday evening, taking an interest in things - which is part of his son's plan.

 

The biggest hurdles right now are weather and expenses, but overall, we're making forward progress.

 

Hugs,

Barb

Wonderful news Barb... it sounds like it is falling in place and dh is even showing interest....

 

control issues... a life lesson for me... even tho I am no longer caregiving, I have really shed the layers of my onion and am letting go... with the business, it's essential as letting a baby talk and walk in their own time. The Universe has really guided me to situations where control vs surrender is a total necessity and I am choosing to go with the flow. It's much easier for me...

 

Keep us posted.

 

love and prayers

 

gail

Add Reply

×
×
×
×
Link copied to your clipboard.
×