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Subject: caregiver times 3

Email: dhawth7589@aol.com

Message:

I'm a single Mom of a teenage daughter and giving care to my Mom since my Dad passed away 3 weeks ago. My Mom is not dying but is in need of therapy to help get her up out of bed. She suffers from morbid obesity and has a colostomy. To make matters worse my brother is in a drug/alcohol abuse program, just out of rehab and is not much help for myself or my Mom. He can't drive so I am the designated driver of the family and have to shuttle him to meetings everyday. I work on the weekends and desperately want to get a fulltime job. We are slowly getting the help we need but nothing is solid yet.

I don't know what to do. I am also in debt and need to make money to pay off my bills. I guess I just need to get this off my chest and see if other have been through tough times. It's good to know that one is not alone.
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Subject: RE: caregiver times 3
Message:

HELLO DAWN

{{{{DAWN}}}}} I am sending lots of loving thoughts and prayers your way. I can relate to your losing your father and mom being ill. That in itself is a huge challenge to undergo....but to hear about your brother and your being a mother to a teenager is an incredible role you face.

I would like to offer you support that is of real value. It would be extremely helpful to know where you live, a little about your parent's, especially your mom's financial situation etc....not necessarily posted here on the boards...you may email me directly at grm4love@care-givers.com. I will try to steer you in the right directions for getting the assistance and support that you so desperately need.

I hope I am not out of line by also telling you that bankruptcy is an avenue that you may benefit from but I am not a professional , nor a lawyer or accountant...I am merely letting you know that this is an option, if it is absolutely necessary.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Blessings to you.
Hi Dawn

I am sorry to hear about the lost of your dad. The Caregiving role you have undertaken is a very big one...mom, brother, and, of course, your own daughter. You must be feeling "pulled" back and forth, and in and out with the caregiving aspect of your life.

First of all, please email Gail with the information she requested, she may beable to help you get needed services. They are out there, believe me, as I have had to hunt them down for my disabled children and myself. A lot of services depend upon you income, that is why Gail asked for infomation regarded mom's income. Some services are free if mom is below income or on a sliding fee scale if she is slightly above.

As far as being a taxi for Brother, can he get one of his friends to relieve you of that chore? Or, do you have a relative that can take some of the taxi runs off your back? How about the local bus system? Sometimes we make it too easy for them and they become very dependant on us. My adult disabled son was a drug abusier and I learned a lot from my counselor on how to stop enabling him. She taught me the way of getting him to be self-sufficient.

Now to see if we can help you to "Empower" yourself. Caregivers seem to need the strength of Hercules, the Wisdom of Samuel, and the inner peace within of a saint. LOL
It is very easy for caregivers to get so wrapped up in the caregiver role that they forget to take care of themselves...When that happens, they face Burn-out.

Do you take time for yourself? Time away form the house at least once a week to do something just for yourself, a movie, window shopping, treat yourself to a lunch, etc.
Do you take daily breaks (at least 20 minutes) a day where you spend time alone outside or in a private room where you can meditate, read a good book-magazine-do cross word puzzles, etc. It is very important to spend time each day doing something just for you. It picks up your spirits and regenerates you in body, mind and soul.

Take Care
Joan

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