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Hello everyone gonnatrythisn site again before not many responses mostly oneperson  hope she answes me again but Im open foralladvice Im a burnt out caregiver will I get my spirit back after maybe a few respites stays for myMom been taking care of her for ten yrs and next month first breakin 2 years. Recently was in hospital and I cannot believe how rude ppl were to my Moms caring she is considered skilled nursing and they just drugged her up so they would not have to deal witth her/she has advanced stages ofn Parksons and some Dementia and gee my nerves are SHOT THAT DISEASE ISNFROM THE DEVIL HIMSELF sososos sad what advice can you give for a burnt out c aregiver I honestly have no energy adn how can I regain energy to take care of her and depressed at the same time I welcome all opinions please send me message thank you you allhave goodday

  
  

sandy

 

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Hello Sundra Ann:

 

Gosh, it is good to hear from you again. Yes, this site has been quiet for quite a while which, I guess, is a good thing. I can only hope that it means that care-givers are getting the support they need from family and friends… Meanwhile, I am certainly glad to hear that you are getting a respite soon. You so deserve it. It is understandable after so many years why you are without energy…

 

Your spirit has never left you my dear… I think it is just buried under emotions. Taking care of a loved one creates such a roller-coaster ride. I do believe the biggest killers of one’s spirit are fear and anxiety. Heaven only knows that caring for another can include those feelings along with so many others.

 

Here is an article that discusses how to rejuvenate one’s spirit: http://www.soyouwanna.com/reju...te-spirit-31532.html However, I have started going to google, putting in my search words such as “rejuvenating spirit” or any other area I am working on personally and then switching the search to the You-Tube tab and start listening. I have found some really great people to listen to such as Constance Arnold, Napoleon Hill, and one of the latest that I am listening to is Storey Waters – “You Came to Create Joy” @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wteBsqcK6P4&feature=c4-overview&playnext=1&list=TL3pnZ4PThbO0

 

I never used to care for You-Tube because it seemed rather boring but I find now that it is great! I am amazed at what is out there to learn but sometimes I have found it hard to pause the TV and get away from the negative - but now I am hooked on the inspirational messages out there...

 

So anyhow, thank you for giving me the opportunity to rave about You-Tube. Let me know if you get a chance to try it. I think the inspiration and positivity that you will find there will help you to rejuvenate your beautiful spirit. I think you will be so amazed!

 

Hugs, Glenda

Hello Sundra Ann,

 

I know it seems as if everything is caving in for you with no one to turn to. Two things you might try to do are meditating and journal writing. The Empowering Caregiver site offers a great deal of information in this area.

 

When you write daily in a journal at the same time, it is very carthartic. You get all the negative feelings out and they don't weigh as heavy on your mind. Then you free yourself up to have more clarity and make wiser choices.

 

There is a whole set of journal exercises that can be found at:

 

http://www.care-givers.com/pages/journalindex.html

 

Meditating clears your mind and you quiet yourself from within. There are many free guided meditations that can be found on yourtube.com if you search for guided meditations. Start listening to them. Also Deepak Chopra is beginning a free 21 day meditation series with different meditations that are sent to you in your email address that are absolutely wonderful and can help you to balance yourself more.

 

You sign up with your name and email address for free at:

 

https://chopracentermeditation.com/home

 

I hope this helps you on your journey.

 

Richest blessings

 

gail

he is a c6 quad. i work in the home and have had out of home jobs for years but now its just me and my bf. even when i worked outside of home i took care of and still do all by myself. it gets so hard at times because he is quiet and don't talk much and i have no friends to talk to.i get very depressed.i thank you for being here for me to talk to.

 Hi Ruby:

 

You are not alone. However you have been given such a difficult lot in life. Twenty-six years is a long time! Your BF has been blessed to have you in his life. 

 

This is so hard on you... I can only say that those dark moments will not last forever and the blessings you deserve are in front of you. I do believe that what is given to another through love comes back multiplied. 

 

Right now, it is about taking care of yourself. Treat yourself to a cup of hot chocolate in the middle of the day, or shut the phone off and take a nap if that helps. I tend to pick something on YouTube that lifts my spirits and just rest. My favorite right now is: http://spiritmuvmeditation.com...editation-challenge/

 

It is calming and after an hour, I am different. Let me know if it helps. And meanwhile, know that we are here for you!

 

Love and Hugs, Glenda

Last edited by glenderella

Hi Glenda, thank you for all the kind words it brings tears to me to know i am not alone. i will try the sies you gave and see if they help me.i'm sure they will. yes it has been along hard road not just for me but both of us.but i have faith God will see us through. i feel God lead me to this site and i am thankful. God bless everyone of you and the person that started this site. have a blessed day and hope to hear from you soon.

Hi Darling:

 

I am so glad that you enjoyed it. I don't know how or when I fell off the tracks either l but I do know that this all helps. Occasionally I even feel centered for a bit if I keep after it...

 

Ah well, I did go to visit my 95-year old mother today and made her a homemade card with the words of that meditation on it. It is so awesome!

 

Love and Hugs, Glenda

so glad you made your mom feel good. it always warms the h eart when you do something good for someone.i have talked to counslors but they just tell me to cut everybody that stresses me out let them go but i can't do that.i tell them i just want to find some happy sometimes in my life. its like they don't hear me. thanks for listening to me again. god bless and have a great day.

Hi Ruby:

 

It is through grace that I have a relationship with my mother. I had spent so many years focusing on the negative that I hurt myself more than anyone else. My mother has been gracious and forgiving for which I am grateful.

 

I get it about the counselors. It is difficult to cut out your family! Other than my mother, I don’t have much to do with my siblings or should I say they want nothing to do with me. That’s nothing new so its better this way.

 

I am just trying to love myself these days. I put energy towards it whenever I think to. It has uplifted me more than any other thing that I have done for myself. I wish I had always been true to myself! 

 

Love and Hugs, Glenda

Last edited by glenderella

hi glenda

          good to hear from you. i to understand how you feel i have 7 brothers and sisters other than my self. my mom and stepdad are getting up in age and they all seem to think it is my job to take care of them as well i do what they need or ask after all they are my parents and i love them. but would love to have some help since i am the only one that is taking care of someone handicap. they don't understand that. they to just want me to stop taking care of him and move on with my life. but he is my life the only one i know for 26 years.i still have not found time to love me or no how to but maybe one day.it is nice to hear from you. hope to hear from you soon since you seem to know what i'm going through.

Hi Ruby:

 

Seven is a large family! How are your mother and stepdad doing? Are they retired now?

 

Well, I would hope you could get some help caring for your parents but it can be interesting how distant family can become when that time comes. The problem is that you will probably be too exhausted to step in and do it all so I hope they see the light of day and help out. Are you close to any of your siblings?

 

They say hindsight is 20/20 and all I can say is that I now wish I would have handled things differently with my siblings. I think the point is to try to start the conversation even before the need is imminent… Even though nobody wants to talk about getting old and all the issues that go with it, I think the healthiest way to handle it is to plan ahead.  

 

That might mean calling a family meeting or bringing it up at family get-togethers. I am not sure what works the best but just ignoring it and leaving it up to another family member is just wrong. I know I have gone on a bit here but it is important to make sure it is not all up to you in the end.

 

Anyhow, find some time for yourself to enjoy something sinful like a bowl of ice cream with a ton of chocolate sauce or at least a cup of hot chocolate! Put bubbles in the bath next time and see how that feels! I think spoiling yourself once in a while qualifies as loving yourself...

 

Love and Hugs, Glenda

Last edited by glenderella

i have tried to talk to them but they don't live as close as i do to mom and dad. i only live two blocks away from them. i even bought a house next to them so when the time comes i will be right there. they are 78 and 77 and health going down. they don't remember very well anymore. he thing that get me is my life partner has been in a wheelchair since 1985 and they know i have my hands full already. but there is nothing i will not do for my parents.all the kids have there on live and just put it on my shoulders. i'm having a mental breakdown now.i don't know what to do. thank you for being here for me. have a blessed day.

Hi Ruby:

 

Hang on dear heart! I remember being on the “edge” so many times and my burden was light compared to yours. What caused me to reach the end of my rope many times was due to my own worries and fears. Even though I knew that it was unhealthy, I couldn’t help it. What if Dad falls down? What if he has another “mini-stroke”? What if I find him passed away? No wonder I was so nuts at the end of the day…

 

I read somewhere that all the imagination we have as children dreaming of building skyscrapers turns into worry when we become adults. When you find your thoughts are not helping, take a deep breath and look for the good in the moment. Lately I have concluded that life is about energy and to put it towards changing my ways to alleviate the worry and fear I have allowed to overrun my life.

 

Do your parents have any ideas or thoughts about how they want to spend their years ahead? What have they prepared themselves for – financially and emotionally? Do they want to stay in their home? Do they have any help or resources that will assist you in caring for them? These are some questions that knowing the answers to could help how you feel! They are at the age where it is important to discuss and make plans. I think it is the unknown that creates the most worries and fears.

 

Love and Hugs, Glenda

hi glenda  yes they have already paid for there funerals but they do rely on me to take care of them. my worry has run my life for years and i just keep praying. i now get up in the mornings and ask god to take the worries and fear away.i cannot change what will happen but i can't seem to get my mind to listen.my brother stays with my mom and dad but he has sezures and they look after him. my mom tells me all the time i better not get sick because if something happens to her and dad i have to take my brother and care for him.i will take care of him because the rest of the family want. and i love him.i always look at the bad that will happen not the good and i pray god shows me the way to stop doing that. thank you for your kind words.have a blessed day.

Hi Ruby:

 

The addition of your brother really puts the burden on you, doesn't it? I am glad that your parents have made some arrangements but the problem is their health while still alive. It really sounds as if you have been labeled the “care-giver of the family”.  It is really hard in the midst of care-giving to lift oneself up from the fear and worry that goes along with it. The big concern is that to continue that stress level is bad for your health!

 

It is helpful to journal about your feelings. It can show patterns and provide you a tool to work through things. Now whenever I have a “worry or fear”, I try to address it. I know it is something that I have manufactured myself for some silly reason – perhaps to stay a victim – I don’t know… That is what I plan to change! Here is one site that you might enjoy: http://www.purposefairy.com/96...-to-say-yes-to-life/

 

I hope this helps a little… Care-giving brings up such a myriad of emotions and perhaps that is the time to work through them instead of letting them control us. Remember to breathe and take some time out for yourself. Make a plan to understand and overcome those defeating worries and fears. You are not alone and you can do it!

 

Love and Hugs, Glenda

you are so right because my brother is sick to. i am the care giver for the family. sometimes i just get angry and i try not to. i hold it in and i no its not good but i don't know what else to do. i pray because i am a believer in god. and i also pray for some help to take care of them. i just went to the hospital and had mris and ct scan done because of having bad headaches and being dizzy in the head . i'm scared it is a mental breakdown. keep me in your prayers. thank you for being here for me.

Hi Ruby:

 

It sounds as if you are truly exhausted and need some down time. I don’t know where you live, but where I am they have an organization called “Faith in Action”. They have some forms of assistance for care-givers. They do shopping, provide rides to appointments, light housework, meal prep and more. Their website is: http://fiaws.org/ Perhaps there is something similar in your area? You could check with the city or local churches…

 

I relate to those feelings of anger, frustration, fear, anxiety etc. so well... I have learned that holding them in does no good, ignoring them does no good and for many reasons – but mainly it is bad for your health.. I think this is where having a journal comes in handy. Once you are able to get those feelings out, it is easier to deal with them.

 

What is most important, I think, is not how the family sees you but how you see yourself. Believe me, my siblings did not appreciate me for care-giving (understatement). That is why I do go on about self-love. It is a place to start and I believe it is an important commitment to make to oneself! It may be my way of simplifying things but it does help to bring about more peace, compassion and forgiveness into one’s life.

 

I hope and pray that your mri and cat scan come out well and there is nothing wrong. Keep me posted. If you can, do some research on the internet as to the services in your area and reach out to get some help? Ask at the medical facility if they know of any volunteer services available for care-givers.  Now (not later) is the time to take care of you!

 

Hugs and Love, Glenda

hi just wanted to let you know i live in such small town that we have no resources for help with him i did check on that. all they say is nursing home and i will not do that. i haven't heard from my doctor yet about my test. i know i'm between a rock and hard place as they say. i thank you for your concern and help. i just feel like there is know answers for me. but i try to keep hanging on.i feel like i'm losing my mind with no one here  to talk to. any help you can give or advice would help. again thank you.

 

Hello Ruby:

 

I don’t know how much help I am but I do care. I cannot imagine care-giving for 26 years for anyone much less a paralysis victim. My heart goes out to you.  I cared for my father for almost six years and that was challenging enough.  Your boyfriend is so blessed to have you in his life – as is your family.

 

I do hope your mri and cat scan show no problems – please keep me posted.  Heaven knows you don’t need anything more to deal with and need a chance to care for yourself. Lately I have been working on self­­­­­­­­­­-healing. Let me recommend another video for you. It is so soothing and just what the doctor ordered. Check it out @: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xehcwh827r4 I haven’t heard it all the way through because I usually fall asleep right after the deep breaths.

 

Love and Hugs, Glenda

hi glend just wanted to let you know  i got my results on my mri i have several pinched nerves and buldging disk. they want to set me up with a neurosurgon. the problem is in my neck and lower back. but i am holding on the best i can. i just talked to a nursing home to see if they would take him for a few days and they said they don't do that anymore. so its is just me. say a prayer for me. just having someone to talk to is alot of help. thank you so much.

Hi Ruby:

 

Neck and back problems are no fun... I will say a prayer for your health and I so hope a neurosurgeon can help you. I know, as I get older, I depend on my aspirin bottle a lot more. I don't do doctors well!

 

I am so glad that you did reach out and don't quit or get discouraged. Somewhere, there are people out there that want to help out. Churches are another good resource to check out. I know you are tired, but make another call for some help. You need a break!

 

Let me know how it goes and what your neurosurgeon can do. I hope you feel better!

 

Love and Hugs, Glenda

 

 

Last edited by glenderella

hi just an up date. i can't see a surgeon for almost 2 months. but blood pressure is way to high. and i know it is stress. they have tried me on meds but they knck it to low. said they would have to put me in hospital for 2 days and try get it straight. but i can't do that i have no one to stay with my boyfriend. so its rock and hard place for me again. thanks for all your help.

hi glenda my bf has children but they are not interested in learning how to help with there dad. thats all the family he has left. i even ask for them to sit with him so i can go to church but they never show up.we see them when they want something other than that its a no show. but i have faith and i know god will see me through some how. thanks for everything.

Hi Ruby:

 

It is sad but true that family members are often not there for the care-givers in the family or for the person who needs care.  I don’t think they even think of it – even when they give “lip service” to helping out.  We all just tend to get wrapped up in our lives. The problem is that most people don’t “get it” until they are in a position of care-giving themselves.

 

I want to encourage you to keep reaching out. You need to get some help and if family is out, then reach out a bit further. You have everything to gain… What about the church? Here is another link that may give you some ideas: http://www.caregiverstress.com/

 

Just know you are not alone Ruby, even when things seems the bleakest. I wish I could be more help! I know that is hard to believe in anything when reaching the breaking point. Just keep the faith and please let me know how things are going.

 

Love and Hugs, Glenda

 

Last edited by glenderella

Hello Ruby:

 

I sure don't understand why the services are not available anymore when the need is greater than ever. It is sad... Just know that I admire you for all that you do Ruby! I hope you are feeling a little better and fighting off the stress. Breathe... Eat well and rest when you can. I am here for you!

 

Love and Hugs, Glenda

Hi Ruby:

 

Don't give up - one never knows when a blessing or minor miracle is around the corner, It seems like the harder our trials, the bigger the blessings or miracles seem to be. My dog just had nine puppies. They are my little miracles... 

 

Please keep me posted on how you are doing. I hope your blood pressure is becoming lower and stress is at bay. You are a blessing and a miracle too. I am thinking of you!

 

Love and Hugs, Glenda

Last edited by glenderella

congrads on the puppies. i just love animals but to me they are my children.i am trying to take a hour aday and be by myself even though i am stil in the house if he needs me.i keep praying for a angel to come and help.and i do believe god will send me one. you yourself have been a blessing to me.thank you so much.

Hi Ruby:

 

Well, puppies are almost all gone... just one left! I agree Ruby - they are like children. Plus I have a learned a lot from them. 

 

How are you doing? I am so glad you are taking time for yourself. I think it is so important especially during the rougher times. Keep it up!!! Well, I just wanted to wish you (and all who read this) a Happy Easter 2014. Take care...

 

Love and Hugs, Glenda

Gee, it's been so long since I've been back here. Hi Rudy...what a stressful place you are in. It seems someone is listening and why your bf's son will be moving next door, that is great! I was about to suggest getting round the clock help from an home care agency, but it looks like your problems have been solved. I sure hope all works out for you because you are important and need to take care of yourself. Belated Happy Easter to everyone here.

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