Brother

Hi Linda,

I think you are doing what you feel is right... the only way that I could see involving your brother at this point would be if he were to go to the counselor with you or a lawyer...deduct all the monies from his share that he has borrowed in the past and not returned, along with all the material things he removed from the house, and then work on settling an agreement... if this can't be done...stick to your guns...she is in your care and you do have her best interests at heart...

Your sister is ill.. she may be working through her own issues...one may be forgiveness and she is willing to forgive your brother for his shortcomings.. this is ok.. but you still may need to stay in charge for both your sakes at this point. Perhaps you can ask her why her change of heart etc?

My only real advice is to make sure your POA is in order and that you have everything you need to protect you in order should there ever be a legal issue.

Keep us posted... if all is in place legally, take a deep breath and conserve your energies for you, your family, your work and your mom... you have so much on your plate... stop and reflect at all you have been doing..give thanks for the guidance and direction you have been receiving as well as the support, and know that you are doing everything to the best of your abilities...

Richest blessings
Gail

Thank you Gail.

I can't see that my brother has changed any and I will find out why my sister is having this change? I think that she feels guilty because she didnt' want to include him in the beginning, but we did eventually. Everything snowballed, because he really wanted his inheritence from the beginning all along. My responsiblity is to my Mom and her welfare and her financial business. My Mother has said that she doesn't want him to have any of her money until she is gone, so I am also trying to respect her wishes.
My brother rarely calls my Mother and when he was down her, only spent about 15 minutes visiting with her. I don't know his reasoning behind that? And when he calls, he only wants to know about her money and never asks about her and how she is doing. Well, thanks for the advice. Linda

Hi Linda...

I guess I would look at it like this...Your brother has shown and is showing he just cares about the money and not your mom. People in their 70's, 80's, and 90's had to really work for their money, most sacrificing a lot to save up a bit for their families, and a bit for themselves for when they got older. Most did "without" for a great part of their lives SO their children could have a decent life. Unfortunately we have no say earlier, to get them to use some of their money for a bit of leisure, etc...and if they are like my father they pooh pooh suggestions of spending some just to "live it up" a bit...lol...
Once they become ill I think we must make sure their money is safe, meaning that it is there if they should need it(many illnesses do tend to get costly with needed devices, meds, etc).
I am an only child, so haven't had an experience like yours with a sibling...but I do know if I did have one who I felt was just "in it" for the money I would fight tooth and nail to see he or she would never see a penny.
Being a caregiver has toughened me in this regard I think...money means nothing(except to pay the bills..lol)...health and happiness is where it's at.

Take care..
P.G.

Thanks, PG

for the time and your feelings about my matter. My sister is older than I am and she is very head strong about things, but since I am taking care of Mother, then she has a tendency to do what I feel is the best, plus since she has ovarian cancer(has had it for the past 5 years, but is doing very well), I think her emotions get clouded. She was never indecisive before her illness, but that changes everyone. She has been very supportive to me. My brother hasn't treated my sister any better. I did tell my sister that my main obligation is to our Mother and her finances and not to my brother. She understood that. I told my sister to let "sleeping dogs lie" because he hasn't bothered me in awhile. When my Mom's house is sold, I expect him to come "alive" again and start making waves about wanting 1/3 of it as he did a couple of months ago, but I am going to hang tough, because he has been co dependent on my Mom for years(she allowed him to be), but the time has come to stop that. My brother has told me over and over again that he is going to sue me for my Mom's money and get control of her money. Of course he can't as I have POA. He has a good job, is married but just wants that money for his retirement. I just don't understand people like this at all. Thanks for the input.

Linda

Hello Linda,

Since everything appears to be in the proper order legally...ease up on yourself a bit. Take a deep breath... begin to nurture yourself a bit.. trying to control everything and protect your mom and her wishes has put tremendous pressures on you. You have worked through so much with the counseling... take time to enjoy the time with your mom and sister..find the love and joy in the time you have together.. allow your self to live more fully and trust that things are falling into place perfectly...

If we are centered in thoughts of yesterday, it is history and if we are fearful or worried about the future, it is a mystery that we have no control over. We can only be in control from moment to moment for ourself which is the gift of the presence.

Be gentle and nurturing angel...

Richest blessings
Gail