Skip to main content

Hi to all.

Well after a long, drawn out ordeal, my mother has finally been approved for Medicaid. Today I had the meeting with the director of the nursing home to negotiate paying off what Medicaid won't pick up. It's over $12,000 and they want it within six months (although they said if we had a very hard time doing it they might stretch it a few extra months). There are five of us sibs, but one brother is disabled and destitute - so we're looking at a 4-way split. We are widely dispersed geographically, so I have been sending email updates with follow-ups by phone. Except for the one brother, they have all taken time off this year and spent money to come here to visit Mom, buy her clothes and trinkets, etc. None of us are rich.

So anyway, I'm hoping for more of the support they have given in the past, but I'm worried I'll get "blamed" somehow. I've been very on edge lately, so I hope there are not any snide comments. I'm not up to any criticism or second-guessing. I'm probably getting worked up over nothing, but I'd appreciate any positive energies ya'll could send my way ... if you have any to spare.

On the bright side, now that she is "on the dole," Mom is eligible to resume physical therapy and other programs aimed at improving her quality of life. She's been doing reasonably well. She even offered to work parttime addressing envelopes to earn some money... which made me laugh because she can barely hold a spoon. I said maybe she could *lick* envelopes! LOL!

Okay, I'll shut up now. Thanks for listening.
Original Post

Replies sorted oldest to newest

Hi Barb:

My thoughts and prayers are with you now!!! I understand your anxiety about the sibs. Just remember that you are taking the best care that you can of mother! And I think that was cute that your mother is willing to lick stamps (lol). It shows what a close and special relationship you have with her. I wish you the best of luck on getting the funds together and that all works out well...

Love, Hugs and Prayers from Glenda
Hi. Just wanted to give an update.

I've had phone and email correspondence from my 3 solvent sibs. One sent a check for the entire first payment, another is sending a check for his entire share with an offer to take up the slack if others of us can't do our part. One has to wait until taxes are done to know how much to send. Everyone has been very gracious and supportive. Mine depends on how much income I get from my business. So anyway, it looks like it'll get paid, so that's one less thing for me to fret over.

I know ya'll have heard this before from others, but make my situation a cautionary tale. My mother had a medical POA in place, and my name is on all of her bank accounts. But she did not have a financial POA. When we needed it, she was too sick to execute one. Hence the delay in cashing in her annuity, and so on.

Gail, as to admitting her straight from the hospital... she was at a rehab facility ready to go back to assisted living when she got the UTI and subsequent stroke. Maybe I should have had her readmitted to the hospital, but at the time she was getting the supportive care we thought she needed. We thought we were only dealing with a UTI and a bedsore, and that in a few days she would be better and back at the AL. It wasn't until later that it finally dawned on everybody that she had had a stroke, too. I had a lot of guilt for months about this, so I'd rather not dredge it up again. I do the "faith thing" and figure that stuff happens, often for a reason, and that I have to deal with it, learn from it and move on. Just think, if I hadn't been researching some info for her, I wouldn't have found this site! So this place is my silver lining.

Hugs to everyone,
Hello Barb

The support your siblings are giving to you is a gifted blessing.. one that many caregivers cannot share in the same way...

I understand about your mother's placement,etc. I pray you are no longer feeling guilt over the situation as you are truly doing so much.. you advocate for her, research for her, etc. on all levels.... let it go if you are carrying it... be gentle and nurturing to yourself so that you may continue to care as you do for her..


Dear Barb:

I am so happy for you that your sibs have been so supportive by participating financially in their mother's care during this time! They have helped to carry the stress up, up and away. It's a good thing!

You know we can't control or change some things. Those strokes are so sneaky and hindsight is so 20/20 - you are not alone in your feelings of guilt if that helps... I guess it is part of our care-giving experience and our bond with one another. If, somehow, we can help another to not go through the same pain - it will help us heal... Bless You, Barb!

Love and Hugs from Glenda

Add Reply

Link copied to your clipboard.