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Reposted for Slight2Sea2

I feel that it is critical for my mental and emotional and spiritual health to have the friends I have to support me through difficult times.. Ashley is 2 1/2 years old and at times can be very difficult.. I am thankful for my friends and family that understand and are there no matter what.
There have been many times when I was dealin with Ashley and they have asked if I need to get off the phone.. Most times I am fine, no matter what Ashley will continue being Ashley and throwing her fits, but it is reassuring to know that when I need to leave, they are completely understanding and supportive. I feel blessed.. I also have come to depend on the allhealth chats for support as well and have found them to be a time of renewal and uplifting!!Thanks to all who have been caring and supportive through this trying time.
I have a younger sister who wants to help with my situation(caregiver for my husband); however, she is in a bad financial position herself. She will buy things for us on credit when I know she cannot meet her own bills. She is divorced.
I feel bad about it but I can not and will not try to match her gift for gift thus accepting her lifestyle. I try to persuade her against this lifestyle. She just gets mad and says I should learn to accept gifts. I am told by other family members that she gives the impression she is taking care of us. If I give her any encouragement at all she becomes controlling. How does one deal with a sibling who is overextended but continues to go on giving expensive presents?
While caring for my mother I think I did pretty good maintaining the best possible relationships with family and friends that I could. I am lucky in that my husband was very understanding, even when I was tired and cranky
Our friends were also understanding, and made a little rule that I would call them whenever I could because they didn't want to call if it was a bad day or if I was napping.
My father did feel abandoned at times cuz I was not over as much as before my mother got ill and did at times make sarcastic remarks about her but I managed to take that all in stride as he has his own health problems to deal with. I made it perfectly clear to him that I would come over when I could and he would have to learn to live with it.
Hi Nina,

this is a tough question. Number one, most of us are able to give but unable to receive so your younger sister may be accurate in telling you that you have difficulty...this is something you may want to examine for yourself.

There is also a fine line in your sister's giving. This may be the way she feels she can contribute even though she is over extending herself. She may even be doing it for approval and acceptance or even out of guilt. And then again, she may be doing it to feel like she is in control. Are these gifts something that you and Lou can use to increase the quality of your life? Is she your baby sister or older sister? Do the other family members who say she is feels she is taking care of you have anything at stake here? There may be many family dynamics that are coming into play here.

I know you are a god loving spirit, Nina. Perhaps if you could approach her from your viewpoint where the material things are not as important rather than "I feel bad about it but I can not and will not try to match her gift for gift thus accepting her lifestyle. I try to persuade her against this lifestyle. " This may not be the issue. If you can really come from your heart and explain what you are feeling from your truth, you may make some progress. It might also help her to open up and see her own neediness and she may become clearer on her own reasons for gifting you.

I hope this helps...Richest blessings angel

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