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My husband and I are caring for his 88 year old mother - from a distance.  She is in stage5-6 of 7, with a daily caregiver at the house four hours daily to insure am and pm meds are being taken.  My mother-in-law has just begun to be extremely suspicious, she thinks people are breaking into the house at night, she thinks my husband and I are stealing all of her money, she is beligerant to the caregiver, she misplaced her glasses, teeth, wallet, and med box - which were all mysteriously "found" after we made the trek to NC again after only being home 5 days from the last trip. We are trying to help her stay in her home (her wishes) - we live in Michigan and she lives in NC.  She will not move back to Michigan.  She has no other family near her, and all of her friends have passed.  This is particularly hard because my mother-in-law disowned her entire family 25 years ago - didn't need any of us - she considered us "common" and wanted to project a different image of herself when she moved to NC 25 yrs ago - and now, after all this time, she has asked us to help her.  We are willing, but being 60 and 65 ourselves, with health issues, we don't know if we are being very practical trying to keep her in her own home.  Any suggestions? 

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Greetings Cal:


It is hard to know what to do sometimes... 


Is your MIL extremely attached to her home? I know my father would never consider moving out of his home prior to his demise. My mother, on the other hand, chose to live in an assisted living facility. She has a one-bedroom apartment so she has quite a bit of independence. Are there any facilities where your mother may enjoy living?


Of course it is much nicer to have mother in the apartment - it does eliminate a lot of worries. Have you talked to your MIL about an alternative living situation? 


It is one thing to take care of an elderly loved one but even more difficult if there is a home involved which needs continual maintenance and upkeep. Perhaps it is time to research what is available in the area of senior living. It's not too bad if you can find her an apartment similar to what my mother has found for herself. Even though they may sometimes seem pricey, I think that when you consider all that one saves such as utility bills, taxes, etc., it is pretty reasonable and I am sure my mother will live to be over a hundred since she is in such a safe environment. 


Anyhow, here is a link to where my mother lives in Washington:


It must be so difficult to attend to a family member out-of-state. The fact that you are dealing with Alzheimer's is truly the major consideration. Unfortunately, it's not likely to get any better. It might be helpful to just sit down, look at all the options available, and have a family discussion. So much for my babble, except to wish you the best in this endeavor. Just know we are here for you and have an idea how hard this can be...


Hugs, Glenda






Hello Cal,


Welcome. I am sorry to hear of the difficulties you are having with your MIL... You and your husband are incredible to be overseeing all of this long distance.


Since she is in such late stages of Alz, have you both considered placing her in a nursing home facility?  It isn't an easy decision to make but  she may be at the point where the decision has to be made. And if this is the case and you both still would like to oversee it all, perhaps you can transport her back to Michigan sedated.


Her accusations and behavior are typical for these stages and they will not get better...


Please keep us posted.


Richest blessings in all you are doing.




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