After 3 1/2 years of being a f/t care-giver to both my parents (less my Father the last 8 months) - I finally decided that 1) I needed a break and 2)had to find employment outside the home as my job at home is coming to an end.
I was searching for a companion since the week before Christmas as my last one - stole money. FINALLY last week - the agency sent me a care-giver (I am working w/ 4 and nobody can find me one). I decided that I cannot only leave the home for 3-6 hours a week - and have requested a live in care-giver from 8:00 am Thursday to 8:00 am Sunday.
Thursday is my out of the house for work day - Friday is catch up on ALL my Doctors appointments that I've missed or postponed over the years - and Saturdays are MY DAY - whether its cleaning my side of the house - sitting on the couch and watching a movie - visiting a friend - attending a party - going to the mall or dinner or a movie - its is MY DAY.
Last week they sent her Friday/Saturday (cause she couldn't do Thursdays - so I missed my 1st "real" day of work". Friday I hung around all day - cause my Mother needs to get "used" to them before I can leave her alone. She seemed ok - I guess I have never been overly impressed with anyone except the "thief" - so there shows you my judgment. My Mother fires most people - over 20 in the last 3 1/2 years.
Last Friday was the get acclumated day. The care-giver was tired as she woke up at 4:00am and needed a nap. So she took a 2 hour nap in bed while I "hung out" with my Mother. She also provided me with a LIST of groceries that she would like for this week as I need to "feed" her. Last week I ordered out for her (cause she didn't like what we had in the frige for dinner) - which was chicken breasts, hot dogs, spagetti, soup etc. The list consistsed mostly of "frozen dinners" - lunch meat, bread and fruit (I only had bannanas) -
So Saturday evening - I ventured out and ran errand (this is last week) - went to the pharmacy - caught a quick bit to eat, the pet store, Walmart & Acme. Keep in mind whenever my napped (which was A LOT last weekend) - she would just sit and watch TV and talk on the phone.
So when I went out I told her I wouldn't be home until 10:00 - well I stopped in @ home at 7:00 - to drop off my Mother's medicine - and there the care-giver is in MY family room with her feet up on the coffee table watching an "on demand" movie and she had put my Mother to bed for the evening and gave her her bedtime pills (bedtime is at 9:00) in writing and verbally told. I told her this wasn't acceptable - and she said my Mother was tired - -and begged to go to bed. It's rare for my Mother to go to bed or even nap between 4:00 pm and 9:00 pm - but I will never say never - but usually its only a nap.
Ok - moving forward to this weekend. I kept her - cause really nobody can find me anyone else - and off to work I went on Thursday an hour after she arrived. I had a friend stop in at 11:30 am to make sure my Mother was up and eating lunch. My Mother was "resting" in the chair and the care-giver was no where to be found. My friend found her in the bathroom as she was taking out her hair weave. She even said to me when I got that she spent 4 hours taking out her weave.
Then my Mother was crying hysterically (after I came home of course) - cause she washed her hair in the sink (kitchen) - Now keep in mind when I came home Thursday at 4:30 - she said - oh I have been going CRAZY all day w/out tv - since you are home I'm going in the other room to watch it. So after I calmed my Mother down and gave her a nap - I told the care-giver please don't wash your hair in the kitchen sink. She got very angry and said - what do you expect me to do???? Your bathroom sink is TOO SMALL and I don't wash my hair in the shower cause then I get all my hair products on my body. I said well going forward when my Mother naps you can wash it in my kitchen sink - she said - no when you Mother naps is when I watch TV - oh boy!!! Then she said well I guess I will need to leave tonight - cause I don't want to upset anyone. HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO - I feel like I need to tollerate this behavoir because there isn't anyone else and I cannot loose my job!!!! I spent an hour calming her down!!!
So I watched my Mother Thursday from 4:30 til bedtime at 9:00 (the care-giver went to bed @ 8:00 cause she was tired again) - then Friday morning - I said - I cannot believe I feel asleep at 10:30 while watching ER - I never fall asleep - that early - but she was jealous - that I could watch TV - hello she watched tv for 3 hours - I watched tv for 1/2 hour. Then Friday I ran some errands - and she had to take a nap while my Mother was awake cause she was bored. Then complained to me that she is too young to be this bored - oh boy - I've done this for 3 1/2 years - she has done this for not even 4 days total over 2 weeks and she is going to complain about being bored???
Now she was supposed to stay today - but they are calling for snow starting at 5pm. She needs to leave at 10:00am cause she doesn't want to get caught (she takes public transporation) - so I cancelled my plans for today - but the kicker is she wants to get paid $250.00 for a FULL DAY - hmmmmmm don't want to - but she says if she doesn't get paid then she is NOT coming back.
I feel really trapped. I do know that when she leaves my Mother will cry that she doesn't like her - cause she washes her hair in the sink or sleeps too much or is in my house too much. Are my expectations too high???
And the other kicker was - after I purchased her her list from last week for this week - she said that she does NOT like frozen foods - and requested steak, scallops etc - for dinner - I had her old list in my purse - and said isn't this your hand writing - she said - well I am not in the mood for that this week - oh my.
Does anyone else feel stuck????? Of the 4 agencies I have been working w/ since December this is the 1st care-giver and nobody has anyone else to send me to "fit my Mother's needs" - so if I get rid of her - I loose my job and am stuck in the house again indefinately.