After a long, hard, fight, Mom passed away yesterday in the very wee hours of the morning. I had to have hospice transport her to the hospital for symptom management on Monday because she had stroked twice in as many days and I could not take care of her. She had been physically fighting me and thrashing and turning all over the bed, and I was spent.
I went to see her briefly on Tuesday morning and she was semi-comatose, but I knew she knew I was there. I held her hand and told her how much I loved her, and that when she went to Heaven, she would be beutiful again. I went back later that afternoon after the nurse called and said Mom's oxygen saturation had dropped. I stayed with her for about 3 hours until my DH called and insisted I come home. I got the call at around 2am yesterday morning. She had passed peacefully and had not been alone.
It is so strangely quiet here now. Her hospital bed and equipment are gone.
I was told that Mom left me with a very special gift though. Her eternal love and the opportunity to have been a caregiver. I know I fought it ... I hated it. At times I think I even hated her for forcing me to be her caregiver. But, that all disappeared a long time ago when I realized I was all she really had. No one, not one single person other than myself, my husband, and my children reached out to help her. She gave me the ability to reach beyond what I thought I was capable of. Such a wonderful gift.
And, she passed so we would not have to endure watching her struggle anymore, and to spare us the hardship of trying to care for her in ways we were not physically capable of. Her passing was a blessing.
My love and admiration to all caregivers.