1st Christmas Season Without My Dad

I am right there with you. This year too will be my 1st without my Father. I've been trying to keep myself occupied, that seems the only way that I can really get thru anything.

Putting up the Christmas Lights were not the same (I also didn't put up as many) - cause every year he would walk outside (even when he barely could) - go stand by the mailbox and look at the house and say "you did a good job - it looks great". Then he would make me take pictures LOL!!!!

Doing the Christmas Cards this year (something I've been doing for my parents that last 10 years) - they have a list that was well over 150 now down to about 80 thru deaths - I accidently signed a few with his name on it. How crazy is that - but I caught myself - just force of habbit I guess.

Nothing is decorated on the inside - except for a table cloth. Just can't seem to get going. But I need to do this for my Mother as I worry this may be her last Christmas as well. But I really don't know - just at 82 years old - you begin to think these things. She has been very tired lately - but her appetite is still good. She refuses the leave the house - so with the exception for a family doctor that makes house calls - its hard to know "what is really going on". But it can be simple decorations - nothing too elaborate.

I am sorry you are having a hard time right now. Its wonderful that you and your Father had such a wonderful relationship - something you can always cherish. My Father and I were always real close - Thanksgiving wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

And yes - I end up seeing many gifts that would be perfect for him. Every year - I purchased him a Mickey Mouse Christmas Ball a Mickey Mouse Shirt and a Mickey Mouse tie - now I cannot even open the Disney Catelog - no mice in the house this year.

Hugs to you and your family -

Janet

Hi,
i haven't been here for a year and a half. I too am feeling melancholy. I am blessed to have my parents but i miss my g'ma horribly still. I guess that is why i am here today, reflecting and remembering.
So, to pull myself up by the bootstraps i visited a woman in the assisted living facilty i work at She is dying, in the hospital. Sounds weird but,i know for me, my g'ma would NEVER want me pining over her. It would make her mad! And i felt that if i have sadness to feel than i have love to give.
i am also going to continue to do the things she and i enjoyed doing together. So i will make those billions of christmas cookies this year. Just like she used to do!
my wish for you is to do those things that he loved to do and make them your traditions. And keep talking about your beautiful memories of him and share to anyone and everyone that will listen! Share a box of chocolates,give oranges as gifts and buy his favorite book for someone you know. And then smile knowing he's with as you honor his life by sharing his traditions.
Don't feel you are not much help. Your post makes me feel not so silly being sad, STILL. Thank you for that! Please have a blessed holiday!

J

I too have not been on the board and I miss all of you.
First Xmas without my father too. I have not purchased one Xmas Gift yet and did not cook for Thanksgiving.
P.G. - I loved reading what you wrote above concerning your father's eating habits. My father, when he was doing well, LOVED his food. As he grew ill, he thought he wanted certain foods, but then could not eat them. I guess they did not taste the same. Also, his appetite had decreased so.
I am not putting up any decorations - but I WILL thank God for the time my father and I had together and all we shared these past trying 6 years.
With that, I wish all of you Happy Holidays.
Hugs,
Sue

((((((PG)))))))

keeping you in my thoughts and prayers... it's a very difficult time for me as well... especially since september with birthdays, anniversaries and all of the holidays... we just need to know we are here for one another... we should all meet and shop with one another and celebrate our own lives.....

take care angel..

gail

Janet, J, Sue...and Gail...: )

Your post about all getting together to shop, share memories, brought a smile to my face..I doubt there are a group of people as close together in feelings and spirit as we all are..what we have all gone through has changed all of our lives forever..I know it's made me really look inside myself, really made me realize what's important..I love the newer more compassionate me...
I think anytime one of us think of a special memory pertaining to this upcoming holiday season and our lost loved ones, we should dash right here and share it..

I've been working through so many rough spots still bothering me ..but getting there I think...the missed Christmasses with my father when I was caregiving my mom(they were separated and it was impossible to find nurses willing to work over the holiday season)..I wish I could have had a couple more with him now..2 years ago Christmas morning he suffered a small heart attack so it was hospital time once again for us...

Spent last weekend shopping and am finding I have to steel myself..my dad had really enjoyed traipsing around stores with me at Christmas..he really slowed me down with his walking problems but who cares..lol..I'd give anything to pick him up and drag him along with me right about now...

Thanks for the support all of you..and of course you all have mine..we WILL get through this time together...
I look forward to hearing some of your special holiday memories...: )
take care everyone...
P.G.

Hi again...: )

Well it's only 3 days till Christmas...how's everyone faring? I seem to be on a set of highs and lows..this rollercoaster is bringing on a bit of fatigue but I'll tend to that after the holidays..
Some days I'm so happy I could burst, others the smallest thing will bring on tears...lol...i guess the trick is to take it one day at a time...had my birthday the other day too and really missed getting a card from my dad..picking out just the right card was always so important to him..I was thinking of finding all the cards I'd gotten over the years from him and making myself a sort of collage to hang over my desk..
Hope to hear from some of you soon...
and hope you are all coping with the season...

take care..
P.G.

P.G.

I do understand the high and lows. I have had my "head" so busy with various things - that I guess that has kinda put my grief on hold. I think I've cried once maybe twice since Thanksgiving - which is GREAT for me -cause I could be the water works - just thinking about him being dead.

The beginning of the month - had me full of enthusiam - with my bear project for the cancer society - volunteering by doing work from home for a Neurological treatment center, planning on opening a companion care business for seniors, and working on a Valentine benefit for the American Heart Association.

However, since last Friday - everything has kinda been on a downward slide - My Mother was diagnosed with Alzheimers (added to her chronic schziophrenia, breast cancer & heart disease), her ONLY remaining care-giver I caught stealing from me and then someone robbed me Sunday night - just taking ALL the cash I had around the house $785.00. I've called the 2 care-giver agencies that I have used in the past - but they have NO NEW care-givers to send me - they said MAYBE the 3rd or 4th week in January. So I might get out of the house in another month or so - but probably will be in for 6 weeks straight - its only day 5 now (which is so normal) - but knowing I am not getting out is driving me crazy!!!!!

No Christmas Eve Chruch Service this year (4 years in a row) - no visit to the cemetery, no visiting friends - so kinda just here. My daughter will come for Christmas Day for her gifts but cannot deal with CHristmas dinner w/out my Father -so it will just be me & my Mom for dinner. I just wish the holiday would go away.

And as for very tired - I can barely move and function - I feel like I am in slow motion or have some horrible disease - becasue I have no energy - dizzy - just worn out. So although I don't feel grief - I think I have the physical symptoms of it.

Well I have gone on enough - just really drained - but then I think I should appreciate this holiday - cause it may be the last one with my Mom - either physical or mentally or both - who knows.

Hope everyone has a great holiday season - and is able to make the best of it - no matter what life has to bring this year.

Hugs,


Janet

Hi everyone..: )

Hope you all made it through Christmas without too many battle scars...I fared quite well..woke up christmas day with an attitude to not feel stress, and to enjoy whichever family members I would see...
I got my husband to cut off some boughs off our xmas tree and we went to the cemetary so I could put those on my parents grave...they were both nature lovers so that was my way of sharing something of mine with them...we were never a fake tree family...lol...
Then we went to my mother in laws and spent a nice day with her, sisterinlaws, brotherinlaws, neices, nephews, etc..being an only child I feel very lucky to be in such a huge caring family..they are the best..

Janet..your caregiver incident is just awful..there is NO excuse for something like that..I would be pressing any and all criminal charges against her that I could...hard I know when youre so stressed and tired ...but...people in that role doing that are preying ON the fact they know you are overtired etc...anyone who takes advantage of a persons misfortunes is just horrible..I hope you were able to enjoy the holiday season in spite of this...

take care everyone...: )
P.G.

Just a sharing of...a memory....

I was sitting here and thinking of my dad...his last hospitalization for a gastro-intestinal bleed..and the irony of our last visit to see him before he had the brainstem
stroke..we'd gone to the room he was in, only to find he'd been moved..to a regular room rather than observation where he'd been..they'd gotten the bleeding stopped finally...my husband and I walked to the other area where he was now and just opened his door..a nurse was with him, he was sitting on the edge of the bed just getting ready to get up..when he saw us he said in his very loud voice...oh there's my daughter and soninlaw...he was so happy to see us...the nurse asked us to just wait a few in the corridor, that she was taking him to the toilet...so while we waited I talked to the desk nurse about what he would need for care when he returned home, etc....by the time he was back in bed and we went in he couldn't even speak...the stroke...
I am so thankful I heard his voice once more before this happened..

Let this be a reminder to everyone to take nothing for granted, and to appreciate every kind word or every gesture given to you by a loved one...

take care everyone...
P.G.

P.G.

Your story gave me chills and brought tears to my eyes.

I don't think I remember that story from before. WOW - it does go to show you - you can't take any moment for granted can you - and how things can change in an instant.

I am so glad that you got to hear him loud and clear - with happiness in his voice - and that he knew that you were there for him.

Hugs to you tonight.........

Janet