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Re: post-operative depression?

Former Member ·
Hi Precious Caregiver: I too, shut down with my Dad. He has been in a depression ever since he lost my Mom. (6 years now - and will not take any meds for this). He now has PD and will not communicate at all and he has always had a very abusive tone of voice, and very controlling. If your Mom in the past was a gentle woman, as my Mom was for her last years - she too became depressed before she passed on with TIA's and heart trouble ---- then, spend time imaging that you can just "hug" her,...
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Re: post-operative depression?

Former Member ·
You know - this is how I helped my husband and my marriage to heal! Was the hardest thing I've ever done. But, now the biggest blessing I've ever had, and I call it my MIRACLE!!!! We are supposed to return good for evil and sadly our loved ones that loved us so much don't realize how they are now --- they know that the next thing for them is not "life" ---- so, if we somehow can bring out the love even when they treat us in ways we are hurt --- then, somehow it flows back to us. Still NOT...
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Re: post-operative depression?

marlee ·
Hi everyone, Very interesting post. My dad is tatally paralized. Had a fall in July. He cries alot. He Cries when he is happy and when he is sad and when he is in pain. I just sit there. I find it annoying. I don't know why either. Sometimes he tells me to hug him and I do but my heart is not often in it. I am glad I am not the only one who feels this way. I thought my heart was turning into stone. I too can comfort others who are upset, just not my dad. I really like the Jesus picture...
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Re: hello, new to board

bamagirl ·
Hi, Joi (is that a unique way to spell Joy? - is that how it's pronounced?) Welcome to a safe corner of the world. First let me give you a big cyber-{{{HUG!}}}. I hope you have something that you can do for you - journaling, hot baths, long walks. It's important that you get some time alone and just breathe. My husband spent the better part of 2006 in bed. He had some complications from heart-bypass in 2004, that the doctors didn't acknowledge until about a year ago. He had spells of not...
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Re: Introduce myself - happy to join today!!

Former Member ·
Hello Spencer, Welcome... I would defini8tely say you are a caregiver... and I am sorry to hear that your health isn't up to par. Your son has really rallied to support you and your hubby which is a gifted blessing. Downsizing should be much easier for both of you. As for your aches and pains. It's like which came first the chicken or the egg. Depression can cause tremendous physical pain.. and if you were truly diagnosed with fibromyalgia, there are things you can do that can really assist...
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Re: Introduce myself - happy to join today!!

MIMI427 ·
Hi Gail, I have Fibromyalgia - diagnosed over 18 years ago and have yet to find anything, medically or alternative, that has really helped fight the pain and fatigue. Exercise has worked the best, although too much can throw me back into a major flare. Would you mind sharing a few links with us? I'd really appreciate it. Thanks and warm regards, Miriam
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Re: She's in heaven

Former Member ·
Lalady: I know exactly how you feel also. My Mom left me with 3 men who never even mention her name. I had to go out and find strangers and at my church to allow my grief to come through. Now caring for my Dad - he never talks, but it does get better. God joined me with my cousin after 40 years and it was like we were children talking. I feel your pain, and know we all love you, and most of all she has a father now in heaven who loves her so and you two were his gift to each other, but he...
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Re: I've taken care of her all my life

Former Member ·
You know I've never had children --- but I was a mother to my parents and my siblings. I can't imagine the pain of what you are dealing with as you have accomplished so much. I have dreams of my spouse and I traveling and not having anyone else to care for. Yet, I want my spouse to be cared for. I have a couple that are close friends. He retired (forced out), lost all his pension money (58 yrs. old), got prostate cancer, she got colon cancer - his mom got throat cancer, and they left their...
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Re: Privacy within a family

Dee1 ·
I don't know if I can help much. I can't even seem to help myself anymore. My mom has lived with us for over 20 years. She's always been a control freak and maintaining my role as "the mommy" of the house as been difficult. Even now, as she fades more and more, faster and faster, she still knows how to control me. But one thing I have been able to accomplish is gradually insisting she respect the privacy of the rest of us. I try to start with an adult discussion, but of course it doesn't...
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Re: Hi i am new to this site

MIMI427 ·
My dear Melinda, You have found a wonderful, very safe place to express your feelings and share your deepest emotions. I can tell you that I do feel your pain and I do know exactly what you are going through. I am 55 years old and my mother has Alzheimer's - she is 85. She was diagnosed about 4 years ago. For a year, my two sisters and I cared for her while she lived in assisted living - she had an apartment there, but required no assistance. During that year, she became very depressed and...
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Re: Hi i am new to this site

melinda ·
MIMI427 do you see you Mom now that she is at your sister? My sister does not come see mom any more.She lives 40 min form me. My Brother does not come see her.She had five children and a very hard life. This is worse than divorce at least both parent get visitation. I see into her sad eyes every day. I know alzehimers well and know what i was about to face. But these family issues are just heart breacking. I know what my sister did was wrong and she is letting her pride stand in the way. My...
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Re: Hi i am new to this site

melinda ·
MIMI When my sister was taking care of Mom for the first two years I did not visit much I worked full time as a designer at a furniture store. A designer at a furniture store is just a glorified sales person. No Saturdays or Sundays off. It was a hard completive job all about the numbers not the design. Not to make excuses but she did day care mom every day and did not have a job out side the home. She did have a young son about 10 and my brother would take mom for short trip for then...
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Re: CoDependency & Toxic Parents

MIMI427 ·
Dear Dee, I give you so much credit, after having to overcome a lifetime of pain and suffering and here you are caring for your mom. I wish you only the best in your ongoing journey of self discovery and with your caring of your mother. Warm regards, Miriam
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Re: CoDependency & Toxic Parents

Dee1 ·
Thanks for the support. It means so much to me. I know my husband has been worried about me since I cratered a few weeks ago. That was when I decided I needed help. My brother, who witnessed my tearful breakdown, told me several days later that I had to start my healing process now. That's what I'm trying to do. My husband is my best friend, and even tho his health is declining, he's such an enormous strength to me. I feel kinda guilty that he's taking over the cooking, but he's happy to do...
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Re: Hi i am new to this site

Dee1 ·
I seem to be hitting all the topics today, but all of them are so close to me I can't seem to help myself. I guess it's a day for tears and working through pain. I understand how it is with siblings. The brother I grew up with is now 57 and lives with his 2nd wife in NY. His first wife died of a rare form of ovarian cancer when she was only 44. She was his life, his stability, his sanity. He had the help of hospice and was very happy to hear that I had turned to hospice to help me with my...
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Re: Second thoughts

melinda ·
Dee1 I was thinking of all us care givers while I as walking the dogs on this bright and cold Kentucky day. My Mom and I did not speak for 10 years due to my divorce. I think she thought a day would come when I would give into her drama. She had a very hard life and climbed her mountains. Sometime as I have said before �Out of every bad thing in our lives some good this way comes.� I think I am my mom�s caregiver now to heal my wounded soul not hers. I was raised Catholic and guilt is our...
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Re: Second thoughts

Dee1 ·
Melinda, I am trying to write this though tears, so please bear with me while I try to form semi-intelligent words. You have the gift and the wisdom to see the pain and be able to touch even the most tormented soul. My oldest brother told me on the phone last weekend that I had to start my healing now. It can't wait until she's gone because then it will be too late. He's knows the anguish I am experiencing. It's always with me these days even when I'm at work and not at home with Mom. Your...
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Re: Missing Mom

melinda ·
MIMI I do understand the wanting only her daughters to help. I had a lady come help me once a week for a few months. My mom would not do a thing while I was gone not eat not ask to go to the bathroom nothing. She just sat in her chair with her eyes closed the whole time. Some times now when I try to help her I have to let her know I am her daughter in order for her not to put up a fight. I truly do not know which is worse having a healthy body and no mind or unhealthy body and a sharp mind.
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Re: CoDependency & Toxic Parents

MIMI427 ·
((((Julia))) Oh, can I feel your pain. I know exactly where you are at, because I was there too. I am very concerned about you, about your emotional and physical health. You sound like you are at the end of your rope. Dear Julia, I encourage you to journal and to continue posting at this site. There are many wonderful people here that will listen and try to help you, but if nothing else, we will listen and understand what you are going through. Sometimes caregivers, unfortunately, lose sight...
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Re: UPS AND DOWNS

Dee1 ·
Ces, There are never adequate words to express the pain I know you are going through. And words of comfort seem equally inadequate. You had to make a heartbreaking decision, but you made the right decision. In fact, it was the only decision you could've made. When my dad died, I was the one who made the decision to let him go although his wife was there. The EMT's were working on him as he lay on the floor, and then they asked what we wanted them to do ... transport and continue life support...
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Re: Burnout

MIMI427 ·
Dee, You might want to consider eliminating gluten from your diet. There is a lot of information on the Internet about living a gluten-free life and it is really amazing how gluten can impact your health if you have a sensitivity to it. I've been following a gluten-free diet for two months now, and I find my concentration to be much better, the "brain fog" is gone, my memory is better. I have fibromyalgia and I'm finding the flare ups to not be as severe, and pain levels seem to be better.
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Re: Learning to Accept Dad's Opinions

spencer ·
Thank you both for your replies. Mimi, I was living in a financial crisis and my parents had some health issues. I got myself into such a frenzy and my anxiety became out of control. I decided that if I didn't make certain changes and back off a little from trying to get things 100 Thanks, Glenderella and Mimi. You are always there for support when I need you, and I thank you so very much. It had gotten to the point that all I did for days was worry about my parents and try to get the care...
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Re: Learning to Accept Dad's Opinions

MIMI427 ·
I too have Fibromyalgia, diagnosed with it over 18 years ago so yes, I too understand chronic, daily pain that does flare up when I have emotional pain and stress is a huge trigger. Sounds like you are beginning to understand how to care for YOU. I'm sorry I don't know what book you are referring to, maybe someone else knows??? Be well, Miriam
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Re: lost my mom

MIMI427 ·
(((Bridget))) If I remember right, your mom lived with you for over 20 years. Please don't be so hard on yourself. It was only these past few weeks that you were so burned out and honestly, your mom would not have realized it. Knowing that your mom had Alzheimer's, as mine does, I can say that and know it to be true. Caring for the elderly is so difficult, especially when you've been doing it for as long as you did and then through Alzheimer's AND cancer. Bridget, you are an angel, you truly...
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Re: My mom passed away

MIMI427 ·
(((Bridget))) I copied my response to you from what I posted on Starlight's post because I want to be sure you see it... If I remember right, your mom lived with you for over 20 years. Please don't be so hard on yourself. It was only these past few weeks that you were so burned out and honestly, your mom would not have realized it. Knowing that your mom had Alzheimer's, as mine does, I can say that and know it to be true. Caring for the elderly is so difficult, especially when you've been...
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Re: Mom thinks she is leaving us

MIMI427 ·
Hi Bridget, I hope you are feeling better. Grieving and feeling the loss of a loved one certainly is very painful. I think time does help to lessen or dull the pain, but I don't think it ever goes away. Not that you will always feel the way you do now; it does get better and in time, you will be able to remember more of the good times you spent with your mom. My dad passed 43 years ago, when I was only 13 -- yes, I still miss him and still get tears in my eyes when I think about him or look...
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Re: Mom thinks she is leaving us

Dee1 ·
It has been a long time since I posted last, but that doesn't mean I haven't read the posts. Sometimes, it's just too painful to post. I think that it is so hard caring for our moms because we remember who and what they were and went through, and now ... well we see them in such an entirely different light. We can't help but remember our pain as well growing up. But, you know what? Their affictions, whatever they might be right now, helps us bring everything into perspective and really can...
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Re: Introduction - Wife has Addision's Disease

glenderella ·
Anthony: You and your wife have been through a lot of difficult times. It is wonderful that you are still together. You have both been through a lot... None of us are without guilt - and every other emotional reaction to caregiving. I have had so much pain, frustration, anger at myself, etc... in my own experience. I don't know if it helped my understanding or lead me to a more challenged state. I have been ashamed of inexcusable feelings. It is not an easy path to maneuver. Your dear wife...
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Re: Newbie :)

earthfairy ·
Tricia, I would also like to thank you...for your words, your obvious awe of life, and such positivity..all gentle reminders to me. I am 30 and have been caring for my grandmother for the last year (with my aunt). She is bedridden (weakness and pain) and requires a fair amount of medical care and LOTS of TLC--24 hours a day. She IS my life right now. Your words, especially, about dreaming and being an "everday girl" resonated strongly with me. I am as well. And, like you, I don't have much...
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Re: Need to talk

bamagirl ·
Hi, yarnfun1. Welcome. This is a safe place to vent. We're here for you. My husband also has health problems, although not as severe as you describe. He retired on disability with his back in 2000, and has since become diabetic and had open-heart surgery in 2004, which has left him with chronic inflammation and pain in his chest - which is sometimes disabling, too. We've been married 20 years. His dr said he could go on like this for another 20. . . you could probably give *me* advice about...
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Re: Need to talk

bamagirl ·
Hi, Doris. Good to hear from you again. I totally relate to the computer problems. I'm supposed to be a techie, but it's a pain to deal with some things. We had a "crash" on the family 'puter and had to start over from scratch. Still ironing out some kinks... grrr! Please do read and post in the other forums here. You'll find that resentment and guilt are common, along with loneliness and depression. Curling up on a rainy day with a good book sounds wonderful! I'm partial to walks and...
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Re: How Are you doing Asiza and how is hubby progressing

Skwirl ·
Hi Gail I've been a bit 'lost' these past little while. So much stuff happening I can barely keep up. I'm still 'processing' the death of my mother, and asking alot of hard question, of myself and strangely of her - even though she can't answer them. Hubby is in a lot of pain, but coping like the courageous man he is. I was worried about taking on caregiving again. I thought I may become resentful and angry all over again, I thought it would be a real struggle for me. Instead - I have...
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Re: My Poor Mutilated Husband Part One

glenderella ·
Welcome Anniem: It is good that you have come here to share your experience. I am so sorry that you and your DH are going through this ordeal and for so long… I cannot imagine the physical and emotional pain you have both been going through. It is not easy to watch a loved one go through such a drastic health condition when they are so young and its so unexpected – and, it sounds, so unnecessarily. It can turn your world topsy-turvy. It sounds as if you are documenting everything very well.
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Re: Dealing with Death

Linda Peterson ·
I recently lost the love of my life. We were together for 40 years-33 of them I was his full-time pca after he became a quadriplegic resulting from a car accident. We shared a quality life filled with love and laughter. Looking back I know what made it work. He was only in the hospital once for pneumonia that he recovered from. We made the best of life especially when it was hardest. We loved each other and pulled our own weight. Finding tools and gadgets that increased his independence and...
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What feeling?

Former Member ·
I have been looking at this board for a long while and it is so good.This year though I have been finding it increasingly difficult to read or talk here on the board. DH has been rapidly deteriorating this year... a lot of good times but increasing...
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what is the right thing?

Former Member ·
Odd visit today. I spent a few hours with G'ma, told Mom to take a day off! I had lunch with her and once again the Aid was giving her huge spoonfuls of food. I took over for a bit but also wanted to see if the staff was following the "no force food"...
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god's flower

Former Member ·
Thought I'd share a poem I found in G'ma's drawer today. It was like she explained the last 3 days of her life to us. God looked around his garden and found an empty space. He then looked down upon the Earth and saw your tired face. He put his arms...
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Mom in the hospital

Former Member ·
Hi,just thought I would vent here,abit,,My daughter noticed my mother feeling quite lethargic yesterday, so being a diabetic first thing she checked was her blood sugar, this was fine, but Mom was extremely weak and disoriented, she called an...
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So happy to have found this site

Former Member ·
Hi, I have been reading a lot of the posts here and my heart and prayers go out to all of you. I am a 60 year old woman with a husband that was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis nearly 30 years ago. He has been pretty much totally disabled for the...
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Research Program Seeks Cancer Patients

Former Member ·
Research Program Seeks Cancer Patients Eun-Ok Im, MPH, PhD, School of Nursing, University of Texas at Austin and her colleagues are conducting a study ultimately aiming at development of computer software to assist nurses' with decision making on...
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Checking in

Former Member ·
Here it is 1 am...I made it through the posts and replied to many of them. Hope everyone is doing well and holding up. It's a no go on the insulin pump for Wayne. The doctor put 500 units of Regular Fast Acting Insulin into him and his blood sugar...
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For Dad

Former Member ·
as you left us, 3 years ago, I know you are happy now, free from physical pain you endured so much without complaint. I took up a caregiver course after u left us and I wished I did it earlier. I could have cared much better then with you. I miss you...
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Gotta start somewhere I guess...

Former Member ·
Please forgive the disjointedness of this, I don't know where to start so I'll just jump in.. I'm looking after my mother 4-5 days a week. There is a living room clock I've decided I hate. It�s like a death watch, reminding me fifteen minutes has...
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Feeling Thankful

Former Member ·
Hi all Trying to figure out, a day at a time, whether to try again with home help in place this time...round the clock for mom...or to leave her in the nursing home. The nurse at the home said tonite that she thinks with 24 hour help, it could...
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crying. . . a lot.

Former Member ·
I'm a newbie (see the introduction post for more info). . . My Dad has esophageal cancer. . I've been taking care of him for 3 years. He's getting really bad. It's 12:11am and he just got to sleep. He was unable to even drink an Ensure and swallow a...
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my mother is out of pain

Former Member ·
I haven't been on in a while, but my mother was getting worse, and she passed away on saturday 24th. She is Free and out of pain. its hard for me, but i can cry all the time still knowing that she is free, i am selfish, and i want my mother back. ==...
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Please pray for my mom

Former Member ·
My stepdad just took her to the hospital. She may have to be admitted. This will be the fourth time this year she has gone to the hospital for her chronic pain/illness. Mom has been running a fever for the better part of two days and not keeping any...
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We're home, and now our journey begins.

Former Member ·
Well we made it through the weekend. I can truely say to all of you caregivers This is the hardest road you will ever travel. I can see that there will be many stones in our way. That we must remain so strong in order to pass them. I can see how easy...
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Exhausted~

Former Member ·
Yesterday was a rough day, dad was touch and go, fever 103.6, and the DRAMA of my siblings and their children was pathetic. Son-in-laws, grandchildren, all who weren't there while dad was *living*. Although I was feeling the pain of losing my father,...
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Inspirational words of encouragement and support

Former Member ·
At a time, when I too am faced with tremendous challenges with my mother and her verbal abusiveness and her neediness.. feeling overly stressed as I go within and let go, knowing I am doing the right thing for both of us, a dear friend emailed this...
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