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Re: Hi everyone!

onelifetolive ·
Hello Patch! I agree, the spirit comes from us not material. My daughter is on the other side of the country but we are in close touch and believe it or not all she is taking for the pain is Tylenol! How fantastic is that! Having people who love and care for you around at a time like this, whether it be in person or by other means of contact is healing in itself...I know you understand that. Hmm, pi**ed the doctors off did you? lol Take care. I know what you mean about the food thing. I am...
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Re: Dealing with "Remembrance" Overload

bamagirl ·
{{{Gail}}} I was a little hesitant to post, thinking especially of you. I didn't know whether you were personally touched by events. I'm glad you and your mother were not right there, but I can only imagine, after seeing it "live" on tv how terrible it would be to see it from your own window. I'm sorry about your Israeli friend. I can feel how much you still hurt from that loss. I heard someone on the radio today talking about the difference between mourning and grief. Mourning is a process...
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Re: What is fair?

glenderella ·
I am not sure I did say that all that well, Gail. What I was trying to say is that it is really difficult to change family dynamics. And, from my personal experience, it doesn’t work well when anger is omnipresent. In my situation, it caused me great pain. However, the boards are a great place to share feelings… I was just trying to say that I have been there Skwirl! In looking back, I wish I would have turned my thoughts and emotions toward acceptance and understanding by stepping back and...
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Re: Today is not a good day

glenderella ·
Hi Skwirl and all: My mother always used to say “live long enough to be a problem to your children”. Her rather sarcastic sense of humor, unfortunately, has been passed on to the next generations. Hopefully your mother was just joking about the life insurance – perhaps a quick repartee??? Sadly, the reality of “living long enough to be a problem” is another story! It is certainly not fair for a parent to expect their children to support them in their elder years! Yet, I suppose, your mother...
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Re: Today is not a good day

glenderella ·
Hi Skwirl and All: For some reason I have been having a hard time getting this to post. I am just getting back to the boards after going to a long seminar... It is time for me to take control of some things! I can certainly understand your challenges Skwirl. I am sorry that your mother's nephew could not help you out. I have been there with my own siblings... I think you have the right attitude about it. At least you did reach out to ask for help and sometimes that is all one can do. You are...
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Re: Hurt

glenderella ·
Hi texusa: I am sorry that you are hurting as the result of a friend's actions. I know that many of us here have lost friends during our caregiving years... It is hard to understand and can be so very hurtful as you know. I think sometimes we learn through heartbreak when are friends are not true. It is not an easy lesson but, perhaps, it is better to know the truth. Just know that we have been through much the same thing at times. All one can do is hold her head up and know that she has...
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Re: Hurt

texusa ·
Originally Posted by glenderella: Hi texusa: I am sorry that you are hurting as the result of a friend's actions. I know that many of us here have lost friends during our caregiving years... It is hard to understand and can be so very hurtful as you know. I think sometimes we learn through heartbreak when are friends are not true. It is not an easy lesson but, perhaps, it is better to know the truth. Just know that we have been through much the same thing at times. All one can do is hold her...
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Re: Hurt

glenderella ·
Hi texusa: I don't talk much about my twin brother. We were fairly close growing up being in the same grade and all. However, when he married his first wife (many, many moons ago), she basically kicked me out of their lives. I remember him just standing there letting it happen. I was in shock! The pain is still as fresh today as it was back then. I don't know if we ever get over the loss of someone we thought we were very close to. I could go on to make excuses for my brother since he...
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Re: hello

Dolly ·
Debby, I will be holding you and your family in my heart today. I am reminded of a lovely book by Melody Beattie called The Grief Club. It is a wonderful book that has little vignette stories of hope. It is not a book that you have to read from cover to cover. You simply turn to the section that you can relate to. It has helped me tremendously to recognize that grief comes in all kinds of clothes. I have grieved the loss of my mother's health. I have grieved the death of close friends. I...
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Re: Sad & scared

glenderella ·
Hi Dolly: Take a deep breath... then keep on breathing... Changes are difficult but very rarely are they what we expect. I cannot tell you how many nights I laid awake worrying about things that never came to pass - TG! In fact the changes were much easier than expected but what is difficult now is recovering from the negative effects of all those years of worry! My father declined after he recovered from hospice the first time. When he realized that he could not communicate afterwards due...
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Re: Hello I am a newbie

missy ·
I am sorry to say my health is worst than my mom. I have had 2 knee replacements in 18 months and still the pain is so pain my only other option now is to fuse my knee together or have my leg cut off.......i take high amount of pain meds and it help but it not what i want to do forever........ i am also in 3rd stage kidney failure with so many other medical issues.....i am going to be 60 and my mom at 81 is in much better shape except her memory is going and she get confused......one more...
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Re: Hello Everyone

GRM4LOVE ·
Hello rafantsan and welcome, Your post has touched me greatly. You weren't ranting. You shared your situation and what you are experiencing and this is very healthy. I must admit, I had typed a whole reply and when I began searching for links to include in my response, I lost my post so I am rewriting in text and will copy and paste to you. Your love for your wife is incredibly special. To know of her disease prior to marrying her and willing to take on total responsibility tells me about...
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Re: Roll Call

Former Member ·
Message: Greetings. I am a 43 yr old caregiver for my husband who has FMS/CFIDS/ADHD/SAD/apnea and the list goes on. In a nutshell, he is in constant chronic debilitating pain.
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Re: Knee Contractures

Former Member ·
Subject: RE: knee contractures Message: Terry I'm sorry to hear about your mother's difficulty and especially her pain. I don't know anything about contractures but I'm going to find out right away since my father is now bed bound. What you said about the intense pain disturbs me. Why must that be? Maybe you could call a hospice provider and ask them to refer you to pain specialists or perhaps they have knowledge to share. I only mention hospice since they are focused on pain control. I have...
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Re: Knee Contractures

Former Member ·
Subject: RE: knee contractures Message: Hi Terry, I spoke with one of the RNs at hospice and he explained leg contractures more thoroughly. I didn't come away with any suggestions for you. He said this is not uncommon in bed bound patients and is why Medicare forces nursing homes to get people out of bed and into chairs for a couple of hours if they can. I'm sorry I don't have any specific information to help you. I did go onto the net to search a bit which you may have already done. Call up...
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Re: Roll Call

Former Member ·
Hello, this is only my second time here and I am really glad that I found this board. I am 51 with 5 children, one still at home, 9 grandkids whom I adore. My husband is a para since 91 and in constant pain. The constant pain and health problems takes it toll on both of us. It sure is nice to be able to talk to people who understand how "I" feel. Thanks for being here! Joan Joyx5x9@aol.com
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Re: Home Health Aides For A Parent

Former Member ·
Gail, I will be thinking of you in your loss. 16 years of love and comfort is a long time. I can feel your pain through the air. I will be sure say a prayer to the Universe for you to heal quickly. As the Universe provides, maybe a new love will wander into your life to comfort you. By the way, a firm believer of the Universe providing, I was trying to do without an air conditioner and along came my brother Ted with one. It didn't do the whole living room and kitchen combined, and along came...
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Re: Update from JB9922

Former Member ·
Hello Judy, I must congratulate you on doing what you needed to do for yourself. Setting boundaries are so vitally important for caregivers. We love and in our love we sometimes enable our loved one so that they become dependent on us. This was your path of choosing and fortunately it is falling into place in a positive way. I do hope you will continue to work on yourself so that your free yourself of the hurt emotions you may still be holding on to. You deserve to release all the pain.
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Re: How Do You Deal With Your Threatening Siblings & Siblings Who Will Not Help

Former Member ·
Hello Jeri, {{{{Jeri}}} Welcome! I hope that each new day brings more love, peace and healing to you on your journey. Your letter reminds me of my brother and so many other sibling stories that other caregivers have shared with me... They simply can not deal with the ideas surrounding death. It's like they their attitude is call me when they have passed and we'll pay our respects and collect the money..It is a cruel thing to say... unfortunately, the truth is that they just cannot cope or be...
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Re: First timer-Mother has lung cancer

Former Member ·
Thank you so much for responding. Today Mother has a new area of pain, this time between and beneath her breasts. At shower time tonight she was had better control of her movement, but she has lost MORE WEIGHT since I last helped her bath on Thursday. Her radiation is not a "curing" effort, it is considered "palliative", Lord I think I spelled that right, I never wanted to know how to spell that word as it applies to life these days. It doesn't matter who told us what (The oncologist said...
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Re: First timer-Mother has lung cancer

Former Member ·
Dear Sweet Dee, I am so sorry things appear to be happening so quickly...first I must tell you I am not a professional...that I share from my own personal experiences and from the heart, all that I can to assist others. You must check with the oncologist and confirm that medicare will kick in once she is off the treatment...and you must check with the doctor and medicare to make sure the medicine is covered. I assume it is...but I don't know all since we may be in different states, under...
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Re: First timer-Mother has lung cancer

Former Member ·
Moma saw the oncologist yesterday. I could not believe my ears when Moma told me that she was going back to the 20mg pain medicine instead of the 80mgs, she told the doctor the 80mg cost $475.00 and she was going to try to 20mg/5mg dosage again. Low and behold I was over their a few minutes ago and she was reclined in the chair and you could tell she was in pain. I asked her what she had taken and she said the 20 mg. I told her not to fool around with her pain and let it get ahead of her...
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Re: First timer-Mother has lung cancer

Former Member ·
Somebody must have "gathered together" in prayer because the situation got turned around before I went back to Moma's last night. The pain medicine has her comfortable. I told her I was so glad, she said "You need to turn your worry over me to the Lord, I have". You see, my Mother has not considered herself "saved" since she was in her thirties. There was a split at the church I was brought up in, etc. you've all heard the same story from someone you know. Also, she let my Granny's...
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Re: First timer-Mother has lung cancer

Former Member ·
{{{{DEE}}}} It is so wonderful to hear that you are able to share and communicate with your mom as you have begun to and that she has been so responsive...you have been guided and I have faith in you that you will make the right choices along with the right ones your mom will make for herself as you move along...cherish each moment...it is a blessing for you both. Am also so pleased to hear the meds are working and that she isn't in as much pain...could it be that the radiation was causing...
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Re: First timer-Mother has lung cancer

Former Member ·
Hi Dee, You are such a special light...I would imagine that you need to keep finding out as much as you can to help your mom and yourself during these transformational times..Part of it, is because in this way you are doing everything possible to maintain the quality of mom's life and the experience for both of you and this is such a blessing. The commaraderie of everyone is very special as well...the support of others understanding what you are going through is so important...and it is also...
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Re: First timer-Mother has lung cancer

Former Member ·
Hey Sister, Moma went to have her second session of chemotherapy yesterday(consists of three treatments, three days in a row). Her white count is still too low so it was postponed until next week. This is the second postponement. Her right leg is weaker and weaker. Thursday, Friday and Saturday she said she was just too tired to get in the shower so she took a "bird bath". I went over earlier on Sunday and got her in the shower. Her last radiation treatment to the spine was on Wednesday. It...
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Re: First timer-Mother has lung cancer

Former Member ·
Hi Dee... Sorry your mom is going through all this...is it truly what she wants...is this comprimising the quality of her life? Do the pain medications not work at all? What does Hospice say about all of this and her doctor? Try to find out more if you can. I know it is difficult with you having to care for your grandson, etc., but see if you can find out if this is really benefitting your mom... these treatments don't sound as if they are helping. Hope to see you in the chat at the site...
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Re: First timer-Mother has lung cancer

Former Member ·
Hey Sisters, I've an unhurried moment so I thought I'd update you. Friday, May 5, 2000, I took over the "coordinating" of Moma's case from Daddy. He couldn't tell me what she was going to have radiated that day, so I made arrangements for the grandson (called my sister and she worked from home)and I went with her to the appointment. They in fact only marked her right pelvic area and told her to come back on Monday-May 8th to get the first of ten radiation treatments to the "spots" on the...
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Re: Injured Husband

Former Member ·
Hello Patricia Welcome..{{{{{Patricia}}}}}. I am sending lots of warm loving hugs your way. I tried to get you while you were on line last night to have you come in the chat room, but I was unsuccessful. You really have your hands full.I am so sorry to hear of your husbands's tragic accident.It would be extremely difficult to just have to adjust and meet his needs as well as your own, but having to care for your parents as well has you pulled back and forth as to where you have to be at any...
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Re: Injured Husband

Former Member ·
Patricia emailed me back and has given me permission to post her response. Thank you for emailing me. I did get your invite to chat room, but my husband woke up just then and needed me, so I had to sign off. We live in Southern California in the high desert, Victorville, about an hour north of Riverside and on the way to Las Vegas. My husband is a welder maintenance mechanic and works for a large cement plant here in town. He had just gotten the job which he was very happy with as he like...
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Re: Aren't Doctor's People Too?

Former Member ·
Hey Karen, Seems like you are feeling about like I am toward the medical community. You know, you are a consumer when it comes to "purchasing" a doctors services. Don't pay to be insulted and talked down to. Lord only knows why some of the physicians will say black if you say white, and white if you say black. Moma's oncologist has some sort of "I'm the boss" thing going on. Moma said, "You know she seems like she needs to have controll over things. Don't mind her, you know she just had a...
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Re: MOM WON'T COOPERATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Former Member ·
Thanks Gail, But Mom still isn't understanding anything or rather comprehending and doing what is supposed to be done and they can't get her into Respite until after July 10 so that means the middle of July. Just hope I can hang in there until then. Have tried to make her understand that it's killing me and she understands for that one minute and the next she's up trying to use the potty by herself. Have reached my wits end but will just take it one hour or minute at a time. The pain is...
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Re: A Caregivers bond

Former Member ·
HI Warren, You are so right. They disappear as if they never new us. You know, it is very hard for them to face the fact that it could happen to them. When they look at the situation it makes them face the fact that they are not immortal and tragic things do happen to people. I would also like things to be the way they were. It would be nice for Eddie and I to take off on a weekend and go to the mountains without having to worry about what to do with MIL. We went to the mountains once with...
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Re: Hmmmmm.....

Judi Yohn ·
Aloha Alison, You know, I think the pain is caused from tension. I've never had pains, now I get them in my chest a lot of times. I've decided it's just the pressure of all the stuff that's going on and I pull myself really tight trying to keep in control and that's what causes them. Don't have a kitty anymore but I'm curling up with a good book too. Take care of yourself. Judi
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Re: My little Herbie

MIMI427 ·
Thank you Barbara, Glenda and Barb, I really appreciate your empathy and compassion. It is so painful to go through this and every time, I think I can't do this again and yet I cannot imagine my life without my faithful companions. My husband and I are not the only ones grieving...we have two other dogs and they seem to sense something is wrong. They've been very insecure today, so we spent quite a lot of time with them, just hugging and holding them. As with all losses, time will heal our...
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Re: He's gone

teresajp ·
Joy, My heart goes out to you, and Tripp. I haven't been here the last two days, but i had this feeling, i just had this feeling. Praise God !! Forrest is perfect again, he is a whole man, he's without pain, he's not suffering. I asked Tony to greet Forrest, and show him around Heaven, i think the two of them are hitting it off perfectly, probably talking about you and me, lol. Joy, if there anything i can do, please email me, or call, if i can do it, i will. Joy, once Forrest crossed over,...
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Re: Free Spirit...

diane marie ·
Oh Dear Glenda, I am so so sorry about you Dads passing. Yes, life is going to be very differant for you in the future and emptiness and crying are a big part of it. You were a very caring and loving daughter to your Dad. But remember, now he is heaven,his body is healed and he is dancing with the angels with no pain. And far far in the future when your time comes, he will be standing at those pearly gates with his arms outstretched saying "welcome home my Dear Daughter'. Know you are in my...
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Re: Introduce myself - happy to join today!!

MIMI427 ·
Hello Spencer: Welcome to the boards! Please do not discount what you do for your parents just because they are not living with you. Care-giving is on many levels and you are definitely involved in their care and sound like a loving son. I understand your physical pain. I too have Fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed with it over 15 years ago and have over the years managed to learn to live with the daily chronic pain and fatigue. One thing that helped me tremendously was finding work I could do...
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Re: lost my mom

Former Member ·
Starlight, I'm so very sorry for your loss. Please don't ever feel you didn't do enough for your mom, Starlight. You did a wonderful job! You have nothing to feel guilty about and as time passes - and your pain lessens - you will come to see that feeling guilty about not doing enough is part of the caregiver's grief. It will take time to let go of the images you have in your mind or the thoughts you are having right now, but be gentle with yourself. Your mom was proud of you and I bet if she...
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Re: Free Spirit...

Former Member ·
With your siblings coming to your side -- maybe this is the time God has planned for you to come together --- maybe the memories will give you the love from them that you so need. Maybe it will be the best memory of all! God Bless You, and I just read where Starlight lost her Mom! She'll need you too! Helping others gives those of us with our hearts connected a reason to "try" even harder to conquer this pain, an find the peace we long for. God Bless You, Glenda --- and in a lot of ways -...
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Re: Today is not a good day......

glenderella ·
(((Hi Patty))) Let the tears flow... I know how the loneliness feels. It seems like we go through years of isolation just to get to this spot in life after losing our loved ones. It doesn't seem fair... And people are so ignorant unless they have experienced the same loss and pain... When my brother was out picking up the things the siblings wanted, his wife called. The last thing she said to him (loud and clear) was "don't buy her lunch!" Well, doesn't that say a lot? Family is so...
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Re: Free Spirit...

Former Member ·
Hi Glenda: Seems you are where I want to be when my Dad has gone to be with my Mom. I have already told myself that with the years I have left that once all the probate stuff and selling of the home was done that my life would be with my spouse and I would seek to get my own life organized and hopefully find the retirement place for me in the event I survive my spouse. My family just does more and more hurtful things as well, and I watch my Dad in pain. Tomorrow is his oldest sons birthday,...
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Re: I needed a place to talk

cookiemama ·
Hello All, It's been a while since I posted. My husband is stable, but my Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer and had 1/2 of one of his lungs removed in mid-October. Thankfully they caught it very early (while looking for non-related stuff) and all he needed was surgery! I'm so glad to see your post Savvy--I wish you lived near me--we're nearly the same age--it would be so nice to have someone close by to meet with in person who knows and understands what it's like. To the rest of the ladies...
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Re: Today is not a good day......

cookiemama ·
(((Hi Patty))) I know how you feel. My Mom died 20 years ago and I fulfilled the "one who can handle it" role and held everyone else up (6 siblings) and had to put my own grief on the back burner. It wasn't until 3 months later that it hit me that she was gone forever and I fell apart. When I tried to tell folks that I was sad about my Mother, they would act surprised and as if I should have been past that stage of grieving. What I can tell you is that grief is a process and there's no...
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Re: Free Spirit...

Former Member ·
Hi Glenda: Thought of you often today as it is my oldest brother's birthday, and I laid my Dad out 2 cards to chose to send him one. Last nite - Dad said he didn't want to send him a card anymore as he has sent so many with no response. I told Dad that's fine, and it is ok. Dad sometimes talks when I don't expect anything at all. Went to neuro again yesterday, and he was so frail looking and losing so much weight. I got him some new pants and belt today. His hands will not allow him to use...
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Re: holidays

marlee ·
Thank you everyone for your ideas and for letting me in on your holiday secrets. I think I will steel some time and watch my old favorite christmas cartoons,charlie brown, frosty and rhudolf. I am also going to just try to be happy because I do not have to wrap my own gifts. (well maybe one) My three teens will be home...that is always exciting. I think if I can find time I will get out a few more decorations. this could be dads last chistmas. So I will try to be a little in the spirit. We...
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Re: Trying to Cope

Former Member ·
Anita: Please know you are so special a person, and you have suffered for so long -- I took had many losses just as you have had --- cancer losses, financial loss, abandoned by entire family ---- and now caring for my Dad --- family is so bitter ---- I have come to realize we are such a gift to our loved ones, and we all seem to get through these struggles, and we come out for the better. I pray your son will get better as that seems your lifeline! I've never had children, and some regrets...
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Re: Trying to Cope

Former Member ·
Hi Anita: We all so want to "fix" your pain. If only we could ---- even my heart would feel such a peace to know that the suffering of others has healed ----- just to know God is our comforter and healer ---- he is with you even when you don't feel he is. I have had others to say exactly the same to me ----- you will get better ---- grieve however, whenever, do whatever it takes to feel the pain, and it will subside ------ it just will subside! Stay with this board ---- all are dealing with...
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Re: Friends

Former Member ·
Donna: Looks like you're getting stronger day by day. I have to had to "let go" of friends who just weren't real -- you will find in time - you will survive anyway as you look back and see they weren't there for you. I can see since you have gotten on this message board how quickly you have become more of "you"! Although I had been working on me in many ways through various groups and helping others --- this board had equally pulled me up to more than I can explain. Judy Yohn was one of the...
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Re: Possum or No Possum

Former Member ·
Thanks! Best I can figure it really did happen (DUH!!!) or how in this world did all the mud get in the bathtub! Dad and his family has lots of Indian in them. Two years ago he didn't want to go to his brothers funeral (who had terminal cancer) and he wouldn't call or anything. How my dysfunctional families deal with life --- just don't deal with reality. Then, he said he stomped a snake that got into the garage, and fell flat on his back (stone concrete), and when I saw him he wasn't...
 
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