I could never think you cold! I consider you one of my closest and greatest friends.
Since the government facilities in SA are so terrible if I were to throw her on the mercy of the government she would properly be dead within a week. I'm not exagerrating, the hopsitals are beyond hopeless, and government frailcare centres are jammed full of people and the waiting lists years long. A friend of mine with bi-polar was in a government hospital and due to complications of them changing his medication he died. He was 37 years old and he's gone. I firmly believe that if he was in a better hospital where there was resources and proper caring nursing staff he may be alive today. My mother has being many times in a government hospital and without me to shout and stomp my feet to get her help she wouldn't have been helped...
On that background, if I were to stop paying for the frailcare (which is only government subsidised and the government decreases their subsidies whenever they feel like it) it is noted in large letters in the contract that she would be immediately offloaded at a government facility if there was no family, or I would be roughly informed to fetch her immediately. I can understand there harsh stand on this, they're not a charity and they have a lot of people to accomodate.
On the medical aid side of things, if I were to stop paying that. I would have to pay cash for her chronic medication each month, if she needed the hospital it would again be to a government hospital because paying for private hospital is beyond expensive.
If I were to stop paying entirely... she would be chucked out of the Home, I would have to take her in, and take care of her at home (Which I simply cannot and will not do) if she was offloaded at a government home they would call me to fetch my mother as they have no space. if she didn't get her chronic meds every month... I don't know how long before not taking MS meds anymore start to cause havoc?
Overall I feel that if I stop paying I'll be signing her death warrant, there are no safety nets here. No government intervention when there is no-one to pay. I do wonder sometimes that if I die tomorrow that is exactly will happen to my mother. There is a chance that her nephew and niece would take her in, but for how long? They don't want to help out with money now... how will they react being lumped with all the expenses when they are nearing their retirement age? The entire situation is plain impossible, and a lot of this is due to my mother not being the least bit prepared for her retirement, and definently not caring one iota about paying for her own medical care. If anything happens to me, I'm pretty sure no-one is going to pick up the torch.
She did ask recently how much all this is costing me. Her argument is that it is too expensive so she should come live with me and then it will all be better. If I had to take my mother into my home again I will probably pack my bags and run away for real. I can't go back there. That thought scares the hell out of me.
I hope that explains it....