Thank you for your concern. Sorry for worrying you. I'm feeling a bit better tonight. Still got the tears on standby, and feeling very fragile, but at the very least I've calmed down.
I've struggled with depression all through my caregiving years, and it got to a point that I contemplated ending it all because I simply couldn't see any way for things to improve. The anti-depressants helped to give me a leg up and I managed to continue coping. It seems to dig its claws into me in cycles, every few months or more, sometimes I think its just to remind me that I can't really completely cope with life on my own.
No worries on the getting pregnant part, if I have to go back onto anti-depressants there is no way I would try to get pregnant.
At the moment I'll be going to the doc to get checked out, and then see if going back on to the anti-depressants will help me.
Hubby thinks I may be experiencing a form of ptsd, from long term caring (which entailed, trauma, and emotional abuse) and that is perhaps why I'm having these extremely strong reactions.
I can't remove myself any further from care-giving. Ma is already in frailcare, I've put off seeing her for months now because I dont have the emotional energy to go through her 'draining me dry'. i still have to pay the bills for her, which I cannot get away from.
I just have to reach a place of stability and climb up again. I always somehow bounce back so with some help I'll get there.