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Hi Gail

 

Thanks.. at the moment though I feeling hugely fragile and not okay at all. Yesterday was a rough ride... in the afternoon it felt like I was coming apart at the seams. Massive headache, dizziness, fighting myself not to cry. When i got the bus to go home, I was overcome by my old feelings that tell me a panic attack is on the way. Since I was on the bus I couldn't exactly let that happen, so I literally pulled myself into not moving an inch, holding my jaw tight shut until it hurt to make sure I breathed through my nose and wrung the skin off my hands while I waited for the pressure on my head and chest to abate. Of course tears still got past my eyes, and I was wiping as discreetly as I could. Thankfully hubby was next to me, and held on to me until I calmed. At least with him there no-one would come and ask 'what's wrong'. Last thing I need.

 

i got home, worn out, cried a bit more, had a hot shower, ate something and went to bed. This morning I feel like I've been through the wars, one harsh word and I'll fall apart again.

 

it appears I'm probably going to have to go back onto anti-depressants.. I don't want to but since I need the help I can't be brave about this. My levels of anxiety are just crazy right now, I don't want to go shopping, I don't want to go out, I don't want to speak to people, I don't want to answer the door because that means I have to speak to the person there. 

I guess I should put this down to a setback. ..

 

Thanks for listening

Sk

 

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