I've never been religious. However, I have considered myself to be a spiritual person. My entire life, I've tried to do the best thing for others to give them comfort, to put a smile on their face, just to be there for them at a time when they needed something or someone.
I considered that to be a spiritual soul. I connected my spirituality to God. I never questioned that God gave my my spirit ... my soul. That's just how I thought. But today ... tonight rather, I have started to question whether there is a god.
I have been sitting, quietly tonight wondering why there are so many people in pain right now. All of those here ... Mimi, Barb, Ces, Janet, Mick, Phil, Sue, marthamary, Leighanne ... all of them. What is the reason for all of us to see the people we love most have to be sick and dying? What is it that we are supposed to learn? To do? We are trying to help. We are caring for them. We are doing everything we know how to do that is in our power. Yet, they get sicker, they die and we hurt. We hurt when we watch them struggle for a breath. We hurt when they can't eat, can't raise their head to take a sip of water, when they can no longer have a rational and reasonable thought. We get angry with ourselves for not having more patience yet we love them. We love them so much and it just plain hurts. It hurts beyond words, beyond tears. It rips at the very heart of us. I just don't understand why the people we love, those who are suffering should have to be going through all of this. I want to scream that "THERE IS NO GOD!" The god that I was taught to believe in was supposed to be a kind and loving god. A god who took care of His children. A god that would heal the sick and never let the wicked go unpunished. Yet, we see just the opposite. Our sick are suffering and the wicked are prospering. Are we all evil and being punished? Why must we sit by and watch our loved ones slowly slip from our reach?
If someone, anyone can make any sense out of any of this and give me an answer that will make sense and not just tell me to believe that god knows what he is doing, then please ... please tell me why. Tell me what else we are supposed to do when we can't get our doctors to care about their patients' needs more and give the right medications, instead of just spending a few minutes with them and giving the lastest and greatest pill that the most recent pharmaceutical salesman just pushed on them ... along with a new set of golf clubs or two tickets to the lastest Broadway play.
I keep wondering what it is going to be like when all of us who are now caring for the elderly become the elderly. There will be more of us out there. Are we going to have anyone to care for us? Or are we going to be pushed into a corner of society ... a corner that everyone knows about but no one wants to talk about. My wish is that we stop worrying about other countries and their problems and start concentrating on our own problems right here in our land. Our sick and dying and the families and friends who are trying to care for them might find hope for the future. Until that time, right now, at this very moment .... I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel
[This message has been edited by Irish152 (edited 07-18-2005).]