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Reply to "Sick and tired of being sick and tired"

Dear FallenAngel: The reason I am who I am today is I too have been let down by every man in my life. I was taught by my precious mother ---- you just take it. I set my feet on a path to change all that. It was not until "I" changed that my spouse "changed". You have a lot of right to be angry, and resentful, an every emotion you have right now. I was bound and determine to make it - so at the age of 53, no job, no money, no home - I believe the men in my family who gave me money, but on their terms ---- I had to fight to ignore the advice and was told right out, we can't deal with emotional stuff, and they were so right. Just like Dad as he is wondering why his sons won't call him. He will not call them either, has never called me unless it was about him. So, I just got "sick and tired of it all", and I changed me. I found out being independent, and not needing anyone can happen. However, when you have children ---- you have much more to live for than me. I didn't want to live. My sister passed with cancer, and then my Mom --- my sister-in-law changed and lifestyles were not what I wanted. I lost almost all my prior friends, but it feels good to be me today and when you have faith, you will do "it" afraid ---- and then you feel so low about as low as you think I'm not gonna make it thru this, and I cried out to God - if you don't do this - you know I can't do this on my own. Every time --- he shows me a strength, and many times blessings. Give yourself all the "space" you need to feel all the anger, resentment, and just let loose of all inside of you. Then, for your children --- you can do whatever it takes to pull this back together! You see, I know my parents should've been divorced - yet my Mom when she had heart surgery did not want to come back to her environment, and she passed on. I was determine to break this generational curse, and I'm doing it even as I write this. I just believe that I'm not gonna quit "trying" until I'm the little ole lady --- (and, I pray I'll be a sweet lady). I got a wonderful job at 53, and was took advantage of --- was sweet talked by the best of them ---- and NAIVE!!!! I had to learn late, but I know now who I can depend on and who I can't depend on --- and that's me! Don't beat yourself up ---- yes, get to a counselor --- one that will help you to grow, and look for those who only lift you up. If it's not your parents, (mine didn't), then sooner or later --- you'll get beyond that too. Your children want YOU! Hang in there ---- baby steps! Try not to attack the whole picture at once --- priorities first --- JOB (pray for the right one!) ---- then, you never know what will happen next! I have a lot of faith because I've been at it for 12 years now, and I stay at it and know I can't do anything without praying over it first. You will have your way --- just don't beat yourself up! Baby steps ---- one step at a time! Find good supportive friends, those who love you just as you are ---- and are not going to condemn you in any way ---- they're out there. You'll see! Love & Prayers.......... Vickie
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