I so know the feeling you are experiencing. Please, be kind to yourself now! You, like so many of us caregivers give/gave so much. All of those 'firsts' are very painful. And crying is really a cleansing of the soul. Let those tears flow. It's almost 3 years ago that I lost my wonderful Mother, and I still have certain days that I cry. Sometimes a pleasant memory kinda hits me, and I know I get this impish grin on my face. There are no timetables for grief. No schedule to follow. You just have to have faith that God will get you thru this, and I am sure he will. After all, you have a special angel up there looking down at you with much love in her heart and a big grin on her face thinking,' thats my girl'. Take it one day at a time, and know that we are here for you.