It is always a difficult situation trying to keep an elderly loved one in the style they have been accustomed to... My father certainly never thought of downsizing and so it was. He was able to stay in his home until the end. It was a challenge at times and certainly no walk in the park!
I guess I did misread carpet cleaning instead of recarpeting. My mistake... However, it may be possible to dye the carpeting. Otherwise, maybe find patterned accent rugs with the colors she desires in her decor. However, these are only suggestions to solve one of perhaps many concerns that you are dealing with.
Well, of course Barb and Gail have shared some wonderful thoughts... It is best to back your husband and present a united front if you can. That can be hard at times because, it seems, when caring for an elderly parent we want to keep them happy. And that is, I think, just part of the challenge. There is also the adult-child relationship...
It is going to be a rough road for you and hard to stay out of the middle. You might just find a counselor helpful whom you can talk to so that you can get your feelings out in a safe place. If a person doesn't have someone to talk to while caregiving, issues can likely blow up at the wrong time and in the wrong place. Holding it all in isn't the answer either... Talking it out with a pro can help you work through each family member's side and hopefully become more objective. It gives a person, I think, the strength to get beyond the superficial issues and determine which issues are more important to one's own self.
Anyhow, that is just a thought and one which costs more money at that. However, feeling torn at times between pacifying your mother and keeping your DH happy is not good for you... Having a support system is absolutely necessary and not very easy to find. Family and friends do not always understand and can be incapable of providing support for one reason or another.
It isn't easy to make sense of it all. We watch our parents become more and more dependent which can be very distressing... Well, enough said for tonight. Just know, Skystar, we are here for you. Meanwhile, take care...