Gail, I wanted to finish addressing your response. I am reluctant to bring in an outside party, because I don't think either my mom or my husband would stand for that. I suppose my situation is dysfunctional with my mother. I don't really know what a typical mother/daughter relationship is.
I am the youngest of 4 siblings - much younger. The sibling closest in age to me is 12 years older. I also have a different dad than my other siblings. It is almost like I was an only child since my siblings weren't around that much when I was growing up.
On top of that, my mother was an alcoholic until I was 16. (Some would say that you are always an alcoholic, but she hasn't had a drink in over 20 years). That's only the beginning. Lots of other stuff went on when I was a child. My mother always spoiled me though, which is why part of me thinks I owe her something.
Anyway, I digress. I am trying to keep the relationships between mother, husband and the situation between the two of them separate. REALLY hard! : )
Glenda - Yes, my mother's health is well. My mother always says that moving into a smaller place would make her go BACKWARDS in life and she will never do that. I think that is because she did not have much growing up and she sees downscaling as going back to poverty even though this would be far from the truth.
Oh and just to clarify, I didn't mention carpet CLEANING, it is NEW carpet installation that she wants. The carpet is fine, not worn or anything. She just wants a different color. See what I'm dealing with here?
My brother helps in small ways. He helps with her car when she needs it. If he can do it himself, he does. If not, he finds someone to do the work for her, but he doesn't pay for it. She pays for it. He doesn't have enough money according to him and my mom. This may be true. I don't know.
Barb - Things are definitely strained between me and my mother and me and my husband and my mother and my husband and me and my brother.....and on and on. ; )
My concern is that my husband is now saying that because he has tried to help my mom and she won't accept any realistic help and terms, that he will not be financially responsible when she runs out of money.
I've already indicated to my brother that he may have to take her in when she runs out of money - ESPECIALLY if he continues to encourage her to buy unnecessary things.
It sounds like you have had some challenges with your mom and husband. You must be a very strong person.
I've pretty much chosen my husband at this point, but it's hard because I don't 100% agree with everything he thinks regarding my mom's "situation". I agree she is not realistic in regard to spending money and living within her means, but he gets really frustrated and sometimes doesn't think out the alternatives when setting down rules. He has had to bail himself out of financial holes before and is VERY RELUCTANT to ever have to do that again.
Thank you so much for your comments (EVERYONE). I'll keep you all posted.