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Hello Kay:

It is hard to be stuck in the middle between generations while being the "responsible" one. It gets so wearing... Pay the bills; fix the meals, laundry, on and on.

You have sacrificed so much in the last few years. There cannot help but be some negative emotions as a result. The financial hardships don�t help. Now, to have to sell your home and relocate into a smaller home must make it even more difficult.

It is important that you take care of yourself. I know we all say that, but it is truly something that we all must do. I used to think that meant finding a matching outfit, combing my hair or whatever. Now I realize that it means much more than that� For me, when I started caring for my dad, he really didn't need that much care but the issue was that he wasn't that safe in his own home anymore. So, I decided to go to school to learn about the computer. Suffice it to say, I had no idea what I was getting into (hard work and major debt). However, it has saved my sanity during the more difficult times.

My point here is that we also need to focus on our dreams and goals in the midst and madness of sandwich care-giving. That includes personal and business issues. I go to therapy due to the years of hurt created through family dynamics and dysfunction. It is not easy to forgive siblings, mother, etc but, because of that, I will not let them do any more damage to me ever again. It is time to draw the line!!!

Now - fathers from our era (I, too, am 50ish) tend to be dogmatic and somewhat unable to accept the �liberation� of women. I wonder if your father may have decided that when you were in such pain, it was time to step in to care for and protect you from hurting. Whatever the reason is, it has impacted your life drastically.

Kay, not only have you lost your son, you have lost your space and given up your job. That is too much to go through in such a short period of time without help and support. It is time to take a deep breath and think about you. If this new housing situation doesn�t work for you, then it may be time to look at what your options are and to find the strength to pursue those options and reclaim your life�

Take Care, Glenda