Good Morning Sundra Ann:
You have really been thrown into the middle of the end, haven't you? I must say that in the best of situations, it is difficult but going through hospice and surviving cancer does something to the care-giver. It's like every day you wake up in fear that you might find them "gone"... That is a very hard way to start every day and it does wear on a care-giver! I think there may be a point where a person becomes somewhat numb because it is so emotionally overwhelming. Especially when, in addition, you lose your father and brother - I am so sorry!
Definitely I think you need some help and hope at this point. I know that, in the past, we have referred caregivers to Faith in Action and so I googled it to find this link: http://126.96.36.199/~fiawsorg/ This link is for the West Sound which is in Washington State so it may take some research to find it in your area. However, there are links on the left side for Senior Services which will give you an idea what they do for the elderly. They do help with many little things which I think is fantastic. Hopefully there is a link for one in your area or you could call the number on the website and they can guide you to some help close to home.
So many things in your posting resonated with me and many others, I am sure! The fact that nobody calls or cares is a big one... It is a sad statement on all of us. We expect a little more of friends and family but, for some reason, they shy away. But, I must admit that what I thought was the biggest testament to your excellent care is that you mother has NO BEDSORES after being bedridden for so long - close to two years - you deserve an AWARD for that! Sometimes I wonder if many people understand what an accomplishment that alone is?
You know, it is not uncommon to have such feelings of anger, hopelessness, frustration and on and on... I was percolating in anger for so many years when caring for my father. It was certainly not my most shining moment in life to say the least. I cared for my father from 2001 until he passed away in November, 2006, just one month before his 90th birthday. I cleaned up his estate and sold it in 2009. I have been recovering every since.
I can, from my own experience, encourage you to find a way to deal with the anger since it is so hurtful to oneself. I think writing in a journal helps to get the feelings out. Another solution does involve such things as simply breathing to get through those moments and actually working diligently to find the positive in life to focus on. Do not focus on the past but let it go - its history. There are so many reasons to feel guilt when care-giving and I think that is because we make decisions that we are not sure what is best to do in the first place so we second-guess ourselves all day long sometimes. You are not alone, believe me - we all have regrets...
So, take a deep breath, then repeat over and over again. Take some time to journal and find some time to regain hope through positive thinking or affirmations to counteract the negative. Here is another link that might help get the ball rolling: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Ho...ocus-on-the-Positive - this link I got from the Oprah and Deepak 21-day meditation challenge. That link is following: http://www.chopracentermeditat...Page.aspx?BookId=178 On the right of this webpage is the opportunity to sign up - I really recommend signing for the 21-day meditation since it is free!
I hope this helps a little bit. Just know you are not alone dear heart! I know I am here for you and do check in every day so, please, keep me posted as to how are you are doing - and know that you are loved!