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Reply to "Missing Mom"

Dear Melinda,
You have been extremely helpful. Thanks so much for sharing your experience and wisdom.

Unfortunately, my mother is one of those that just refuses to do just about everything, except watch TV; it does not upset her, at least not yet. She keeps her eyes closed most of the time and says she is able to concentrate better.

My mom is fully aware that she is losing her mind, which makes it even more difficult. Any time I am with her, that is what she talks about most, the fact that her "head is empty, there is nothing in it".

We tried and tried to get her to go to day care, but she wanted no part of it, unless I stayed there with her. What she wants in life is for her three daughters to care for her. We all work full time and she has an aide full time - wll 7a until 4p which she barely tolerates. The aide is God sent, believe me, she was in my home for a year while I was caring for mom and I saw how lovingly she cared for my mom. My mom doesn't think she needs any help, unless of course it's coming from one of her daughters, then it's not help, but love. My mom has always been a very negative, very stubborn person.

Her love was knitting and crocheting, which she did for over 50 years. For the past two years, she's refused to touch it. I took up crochet, teaching myself and when I do it when I'm with her, her face just lites up. She too enjoys music and still knows the words to many songs and we also dance, although her balance is very poor and she has the Alzheimer's "shuffle", barely moving her feet.

She seems happy with her world and I have to tell myself what she does or doesn't do may not make me happy, but it makes her happy, so I have to accept that.

I spent the day with her yesterday, going to get our mani/pedi's together and then took her to a really lovely outdoor shopping mall because the weather was so beautiful and we sat outside by the fountain and just people watched, which she really enjoyed, especially the young children. She loves the little ones. Sadly, they don't want to go by her, they seem afraid of her. My DIL told me that old people are scary to young ones and maybe that is true.

Anyway, thanks again for sharing, I sincerely appreciate it.