I can truly relate to what you are experiencing.. I still am coming up from my own loss.. The priests, rabbis, reverands, nuns, are all human beings no different than us. Unfortunately, because they are vested in their positions in the various religions, we expect them to be there for us.. but many of them are not able to deal with death, dying and situations, they have no answers for either.
One of the beliefs I have come to terms with for myself is that I am not alone.. We are all interconnected as children of a higher power... we all come from the same source and that higher power is omnipresent in each and everyone of us.. it is in every cell, atom and molecule in our body... so at times, it is vitally important to go within and still ourselves.. to come to a peace of mind from within.. to gather our power and strength from within for where is it that god ends and you begin... there is no cut off point.. that higher power is with us at all times.. and we are guided and protected.. while we seek strength and support from church going members and clergy and have an expectation for them to be there for us during difficult times.. unfortunately in a great many cases, they aren't.. the power is within you...
you have found a safe place to share and hear others stories and how they handle it.. I pray you will find the peace you deserve.. the strength to move through this.. and to heal and receive the greater picture that we may not always understand or even see when we have hit these low points..
please keep us posted.. richest blessings