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Just Venting

Why does it seem each day is worse than the last one? I guess it is just me. I know my husband is very sick (Lou Gehrigs) and I understand he is hurinh, angry and confused. I am the only one who cares for him. No one else can help me and I certainly can not afford to hire anyone. Hospice comes in 5 days a week to bathe him, nurse once a week and the Chaplin and Social Worker (sometimes). The Nurse is here 15 minutes, the Aide an hour and the social worker and chaplain a few minutes. That leaves the rest to me.
Like I said, I know he hurts, doesn't feel well most of the time, has no more use of his hands, feet, legs, etc. But he is just so mean to me that I feel as if I could just walk out and never come back. I have been crying for two days because of his ugly remarks and hatefulness. We have been married 35 years and I know this is not "the man I married" but it hurts just the same.
I am 62 with Osteoporosis and have had cancer twice. I pulled a muscle yesterday trying to get him out of bed, but get no time to "heal".
I know I am just having a "pity party" here and I except that, but I also feel like I just can't do this anymore. So what do I do now?
I just don't know anymore.
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