I know what you mean about being hypocritical. Even more I am afraid for others to see me as hypocritical. That is just the little "CHILD" in me. God said he loves me just as I am. We can be hypocritical and he still loves us. In fact, he told us that we had to come to him as a "little child". We are his little children and he is our Father. He expects us to be imperfect. He made us just as we are then gave us freedom to make our own decisions. And, like any Father, he wants us to come to him for advice, and when we make the wrong decision, he is there within us wanting us to come home to him for comfort and to fix whatever we have done to ourselves and whatever the rest of the world (who are also making their own imperfect decisions) has done to us.
I pray that you can close your eyes, Willie, and feel God as your loving Father and yourself as his little child.
My heart goes out to you.