Hi Terry - I goofed... hit enter before typing message. Regarding your brother... sounds like he is related to my sister. I just placed Mom in an ALF (she is 91 - has Alzheimer's) and has lived with me for the past 6 years...but only diagnosed 9 months ago. In these 6 years my brother has taken my mother for as much as 6 weeks perhaps twice a year, which was helpful, but always at his convenience, never ours. My older sister has offered NO help, but lots of criticism.... forget your brother.
Live your life and do for your parent what you can. It is easy to offer suggestions, criticize etc. but harder to be the caregiver facing the daily problems. All I can say is, as long as when you put your head down each night knowing that you have done all you can.... the rest will fall into place. I'm not saying it is easy and the anger is a natural feeling - but I'm learning it takes energy I don't have so I am just trying to ignore the ignorance of a know-it-all but do-nothing personally.