Nice to hear from you. I hope you are feeling ok.
Actually, I offered to stay at their house for a weekend while they get away. Right now, there is too much tension between them to want to do anything like that. Each is believing the other is so wrong and not listening to them...and they are right. That is why I say I wish they'd go for some kind of counseling whether it be a psychologist or a mediator...someone to help each of them understand what the other is feeling.
Yes they took care of my BILs dad, about ten year's ago. His dad had a colostomy and a small stroke, so he needed help changing the bags, showering and a little help walking. They did not have an aide, actually my BIL was the one that cared for his dad. His dad was okay enough to be left alone during the day while they both worked outside the home.
I think what my BIL is having problems with is losing his privacy, not only to having my mom live there, but having the aide there during the day as well. My BIL is retired and although he keeps pretty active (playing golf) he is home at times during the day. I do understand what you are saying Janet, that is surprising that he would feel this way after having had his dad in their home, but his dad did not have Alzheimer's. He enjoyed reading and watching his favorite TV programs, and if my sister and BIL were in another part of the house, that was just fine by him. My mom cannot be left alone. Believe me, I know this from personal experience. If my sister walks away, to another room, mom is calling and calling until she works herself up into a panic. If you tell her I'll be right back or I'm in the next room, or whatever, it doesn't matter...she does not remember, not even a minute later and she does not want to be alone. Janet, I know you've been dealing with your mom's schizophrenia for a long time, and now Alzheimer's so you understand what I am trying to say. It is not easy, but they are our mothers, so we do what we need to do. I think sometimes our spouses see things differently. It's just not an easy situation.
Again, I hope you are feeling good...