I am sending lots of warm, loving prayers to you...I am so glad you responded...There will be many days that you are up and you are down...just as your mom may experience the same.
I am pleased the endoscopy worked...hubby and some others I know have had it and it helps so much in stretching the esophagus so that swallowing is easier..
June is around the corner although it probably seems like an eternity to you. Is there anyway to bring your grandson over to your mom's so you can spend more time with her...or usher some sitters in to care for him so you can be with her?
None of your posts are ever too long...if you are referring to the possibility that you may lose them when submitting always copy and paste it into something else so you will have it...just for insurance...it is a bit of an annoyance to have to do it, but it is a blessing should you lose it and you have it to just paste back in and send it.
I hate to sound repetitive when I tell you what you are experiencing is normal. If you find yourself dwelling on the coming weeks and months, remember two things...the past is history, the future is mystery and the present is a gift...we can not truly know what the future will bring...so allow yourself to be fully present in the moment, being in gratitude for what is with you in the moment.
Another avenue you have is to write...a journal...write down everything you are feeling, your fears, your worries, your doubts.You can do this while you are caring for your grandson...it will help you lesson the burden and heaviness you are feeling...it is a wonderful tool and process to leave these feelings in writing so that you can move on into your day. You always have choices as to how you will experience your day. Choose to live it thru love, acceptance and gratitutde...this will help to lift you from your depression a bit...and it will give you more of the strength you need to move through your daily life.
I am still curious with all the radiation and chemo that your mom is getting...whether or not it is sacrificing the quality of her life...perhaps you can speak more to Hospice and your mom's doctor...
Many many blessings to you dear angel...we are here sending you love, support and prayers.
LOVE & LIGHT