Dear Sweet Dee,
I am so sorry things appear to be happening so quickly...first I must tell you I am not a professional...that I share from my own personal experiences and from the heart, all that I can to assist others.
You must check with the oncologist and confirm that medicare will kick in once she is off the treatment...and you must check with the doctor and medicare to make sure the medicine is covered. I assume it is...but I don't know all since we may be in different states, under different systems, but there is a strong possibility that all of it will be covered...If your mother goes into the Hospice program ....they will treat her at home as long as there is no invasive treatment. If she needs to go into a hospice unit, she will have to sign a dnr agreement. A DNR agreement is "DO NOT RESUSCITATE"
If she comes out of the unit and returns home, she has the opportunity to rescind the dnr agreement...but Hospice will not treat invasive programs that are administered to the patient. Their whole philosophy is to provide optimum quality and palliative care to the patient in their final end of life care.
You are to be commended having mastered the computer in such a short time as you have. It has become a life source for many a caregiver...there are many resources and links to hospice etc...here in death and dying, and bereavement at the site. They will take you to so many informative areas where you will gain more knowledge and support as you go along.
It is good you are able to cry and let go of the fears and stress that are builidng within you. I got chills when I read your getting messages from Jesus...we unfortunately have no control over our loved one's time of passage...we can only provide all our love and the quality of life care they need.
For me to tell you to tell your mother is not for me to say. I know that hospice will assist you in telling her. There may be things, emotional, mental and personal affairs that she will have to complete once she knows the truth. The decision is with you, your dad brother and sister...
Coming from truth may assist you in expressing more as well as the rest of the family.
Your parent's way of life in such a long, loving relationship is somewhat typical for many of their generations. Perhaps you can ask your father to hold her hand and just be at peace not having to say a word. By expressing the truth to him, you can help him to communicate and express as well. It sometimes makes it safer. It is difficult for him to watch her deteriorate and to be in pain for him...he needs a lot of love and strength also at this time... I do know that Hospice can assist in providing a conducive environment once she is registered with them.
Once your mother's pain is so unbearable, the Hospice staff will be able to administer morphine or very strong meds to help your mom remain in comfort whether she is at home or in their unit.
Trust and know that you are being guided...bring your love and life... complete as much as you can and acknowledge her spirit within...don't focus on the physical in terms of the body's letting go process...her heart and soul still need the love and nurturing...My sense is that if she is as sensitive as you are, she might want to know the truth...but I truly have no advice...I am just having you look at it from different perspectives. Again, if you would like to put your mom's name into the healing circle, please let me know...
Blessings to you all...please, please keep us posted.
IN LOVE & LIGHT