Good advice, and I will try my best to overcome the adage, "easier said than done".
One of them nieces is in the condo now helping our son packing boxes for the inevitable having to leave this place ever so soon. What bugs me is that every time one of those nieces does something it seems that there is an ulterior motive behind it other than purely altruistic. I got a feeling if my poor wife goes, that Martha, who's son just moved up to northern California, will ask our son to move in with her and that will leave me with tying a bag to the end of a stick, hitch it over my shoulder and taking off for God knows where, not that where I will go or what I will do is my prime concern now.
I have to call up UCSD cancer center Monday morning to answer some questions to start the ball rolling on enrolling my wife into a clinical trial if she qualifies and with all her previous treatments or ravages, that is a big if. The last year and a half of treatments has just about devastated her to little avail.
I think the oncologist was phoning in instructions and treatments from the golf course. My dear wife also has an ostomy bag thanks to them taking so long to finally do the surgery though it was very apparent what she had and I myself a month and a half before the surgery was getting out library books on ovarian cancer so I think they must have had a good idea if I myself did, but I won't dredge up that sludge now since it has little value except maybe to an attorney, but her oncologist was very thoughtful telling my wife to look on the bright side of having an ostomy bag and that is that she won't have to use her, and I quote, "butthole" anymore. Well, that made my wife feel good, and it makes me want to run out and get an ostomy bag too, doesn't it you?!
I feel so alone in this battle here. Seems like I am the only one around not in a frenzy to bail out of the plane. I don't know how to fly a plane but here I find myself in the cockpit with both wings on fire and as long as there is a chance to save my wife, I am not running for a parachute like everyone else here seems to be doing. I am also praying for angel wings and God's mercy to help me help my wife land the plane, or find a treatment that will do it safely. I would rather error on the side of trying than not trying, but the final decision is up to her.
Well, I think I over responded to your post as I usually do with any writing other than writing poems, so I am sorry. You and everyone else probably have a lot more important things to do than read long winded responses. Thanks for the compliment by the way and for responding.
Now as soon as Martha leaves I can get back into the room with my wife. I do want to give Martha some credit however in that she did give my wife a complete bath that only another female can really do well, so I am grateful for that. I do change her diapers, but I don't lift her up and burp her over my shoulder.
When my dear spouse goes, and I am praying by some miracle that it will be a long way off and not only that but that she will get her health back too which would be a joy to see, a real miracle that would make a believer out of an atheist not that I am one, but if and when she goes, I will be tossed away from this family like a cigarette butt thrown into the gutter. I think they just use men for breeding more off spring and when the task is done you are considered ready for the slaughterhouse.
I am not entirely serious here, but not completely joking either. It's somewhere in between, my wife being the only exception in her family, the cinderella of the bunch which by the way an older brother used to refer to her that way a long long time ago.
I bid you farewell and may the weather be cool where you are and not humid.
[This message has been edited by Butley (edited 07-29-2006).]