I too have a partner that I love with all my heart. He is not morbidly obese however he has terminal CHF. I have been taking care of him for the past 1-2 years in one way or another. As his disease has progressed he has been going through many of the emotions that your husband is going through. He too can no longer work that was a grave blow to him and became extremly depressed this combined with his feelings of guilt over this were so overpowering at times that I sometimes thought he was contemplating suicide. I can certainly feel your pain at watching a vibrant life fade and how helpless you feel that anything you do just doesn't seem to help him. Dealing with his depression just saps the life out of you. We dont sleep together and the sex life is barely existant. When I come downstairs in the morning I wonder what new adventure awaits me today! Its always something new. You are not alone in the way you feel and what you are going through. When was the last time you looked in the mirror and told yourself "you're beautiful and you deserve". I think we get so entangled in our "others" disease that we forget that we have needs too. Eight years is along time to give someone that much of yourself without at least giving yourself something in return. When was the last time you held a mirror up to your husband. Maybe he needs to really see what he has done to himself and maybe you should stand up, look him in his eyes and tell him how much you love him and how his actions are affecting not only him but you also. Many times people forget that their decissions can have grave consequences for the people that love them. As with my partner his addiction to alcohol was more important than his health. When all the doctors told him to not drink im sure that his intentions were good but not enough to get him through the tough times, which were many. As a result of a lifetime of alchohol abuse and smoking he now has terminal CHF and the tough times just wont go away. I, like you, have made a committment to him and have promised to be there until the end because he knows for a fact that I love him. He has been sober for over a year and i'm sure that has done wonders for his heart. I just keep ploding along, working a full time job, taking care of him, supporting his hobbies, and trying to be uplifting to him in his times of need. You can only do so much for your husband and cant beat yourself up because your not a miracle worker. Do something special for yourself and look in the mirror and tell yourself "you're beautiful and you deserve"
Hugs to you