Thanks for the hugs and the link. I do have help with Mom, thankfully. My husband is fairly self-sufficient but so dependent on me for other things. He can't even bathe himself. He desperately needs to be in counseling but adamantly refuses to go because he maintains he doesn't have any problems. As MY therapist responded to me in one of our many sessions where hubby was the topic: "A 400 lb. man, who lies in bed all the time and deals with stress by pulling the blanket over his head and turning his face to the wall, has no problems???" Just call him Ramses, King of "De Nial".
People have asked me why I don't just leave him. It's because I love him deeply. We have been together for 34 years and he is my true soul mate. We still laugh and talk and enjoy each other's company, but there are undoubtedly deep, severe fissures in our relationship. We stopped being husband and wife when he started getting sick over eight years ago, and have become patient and nurse instead. But we're still best friends and he is so very, very dependent on me emotionally as well as physically that I honestly believe he would kill himself if I left.
So, the reasons I stay are extremely complicated, but I stay because I love him, despite his faults and needs and habits that drive me nuts.