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Caring for an Obese Spouse

Hi, I'm new to the forum. I wanted to see if there are any others out there who have caregiving responsibilities for a morbidly obese spouse. I seldom see this topic anywhere. To tell you something of my life...

My husband lost his job as a computer operator in January 2000, after Y2K had passed. Deep depression set in and he began to do nothing but lie in bed and eat. His weight ballooned and soon his health began to fail. By the next year, he was bedridden with congestive heart failure, pulmonary edema, cellulitis and diabetes. Because he couldn't do much physically, he continued to eat and eat and his weight went up and up.

Ultimately, he topped out at 525 lbs, when all of his doctors told him emphatically that he was going to die if he didn't lose weight. He chose to have gastric surgery in July 2002. He initially lost 160 lbs, but then his weight plateaued and never got lower than about 340 or so. Since then his weight has creapt back up again to over 400. He is on disability, still spends most of his days lying in bed, watching TV. He sells things on Ebay to supplement his Social Security a bit, but it doesn't help much financially.

I was forced to quit my full-time job as a legal secretary in July 2001 in order to care for him. For the next five years, I could only work temporary jobs because of his needs, although I was finally able to go back to work full-time two years ago, in 2005. I am the main support for our family.

I have suffered from severe depression myself (to the point of being suicidal) and have just been through a year in therapy. I'm on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs. I still love my husband, but there is no passion left. We haven't had a sex life in at least eight years. I just feel dead inside and am chronically exhausted. Besides working full time and caring for him, I also have a very elderly mother who is in frail health and a college age daughter to see after (but that's another story).

I try not to feel sorry for myself or let it all crush me, but sometimes it's rather overwhelming. Anyone else out there in the same boat?

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