Wow . . . this one is a thought provoker . . . for all of us . . . it sounds like you both are dealing with incredibly difficult situations with grace and 'hope' for the future and also sound like wonderful parents . .. so many would just do not even talk to the family . . . you've inspired me to look at my relationships NOW not later! :} . . . younger to cherish each and every day before anything happens!
Someone once said to me you will never receive the 'correct' response if you are seeking a particular one . . .
So . . .
with light and love . .