I agree with everything Glenda wrote. You have every right to be angry with the lack of empathy shown to you and your husband by his family.
I know I wouldn't be so strong about keeping my mouth shut. I've become quite vocal about the insensitivity of others since becoming caregiver for my parents. As for others' advise about how I do things or if they think I should do it differently, I usually respond with, "If you think you can do it better, then do it!" That usually shuts them up. Yeah, I know. Not very diplomatic of me but sometimes being nasty right back to someone is my best revenge. I'm not advocating this sort of behavior to you, though.
You're doing a great job and it doesn't matter that the house isn't clean or the dishes done ... what matters most is that you are there for your husband at a very difficult time in his and your life. You are an angel and I bet if he could tell you that, he would.
Hang in there. We're always here for you.